Let's hear it for the boys

Yes, I'm going to do it. I'm going to chronicle many of the boys, guys, and men that I had some sort of date/relationship/crush with or on throughout my life. I won't go into a ton of detail about any one male figure, so the snippets will likely result in you wanting for more. If there is one particular person you'd like more info about please say so in the comments and I will devote an entire post to that person sometime in the future. :)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent. I will not divulge any secret information about any of them. I also won't trash talk them if I can at all help it.

Hef - Second grade. The first boy I ever crushed on. He was also the first boy I ever had a sexual-in-nature dream about. Our downfall: He dropped his bag lunch underneath the lunch table and when I went underneath to get it for him a teacher came over and informed me that I'd be making a trip to the principal's office. I don't take kindly to getting in trouble, so that ended that.

Derrick - Third grade. He was my square-dancing partner for gym class. I liked him because he spoke to me like a real human being, unlike any of the other boys at school. I found out a few years later he was killed when he ran out into the road to save a dog and was struck by a delivery truck that came around a corner and didn't see him in time.

Cain - Eighth grade. Knew him from an online chat room. He must have been 3 years older, because he could drive. He somehow got my postal address even though I lived with my grandmother and asked me in a letter if I would meet him somewhere for a soda (or something). I was at my dad's for the weekend when the letter arrived so I didn't even know he wanted to meet until the date had gone by. I found him in the chat room and we arranged for me to go with him to the movies. My mom drove me. I have no recollection of what we saw, but I clearly remember that when the movie was over he insisted on driving me home, but instead of driving me home he drove me to his house. Thankfully, other people were home so we just hung out then he drove me home. I'm not sure that would have ended so cordially otherwise. Well, I say cordial. I was grounded for 2 weeks. I totally support my mom's punishment decision in this matter. Dumb, dumb, dumb Poppy. (In my defense, I was trying my hardest to stay at the movie theater but the guy was really pushing.)

Atreyu - Eighth grade. I met him in the same online chat room. We went to the movies together, again no recollection of what we saw. He was hot but his mom and my mom knew each other from some singles mingle some-suchedness they used to both go to and they hated each other. Not meant to be.

Kenny - Seventh grade. I met him at (a different) religious music camp. I fell in love with him right away, although that love was not requited for the six summers we saw each other. When we were both 17 we hung out together for a night and almost kissed, but I seriously was waaaay more into him than he was into me. A few months later he married my best friend from 5th grade. (Yes, they were 18. Phew! Dodged that bullet!)

Guy Friend - Eighth grade. Met him in the same online chat room. We hit it off over chat so we actually agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend before ever actually meeting. The first time we did meet we rode bikes together all over my town and a few of the surrounding ones then went back to my grandma's house, to my room, where he kissed me. ... Um, oops. All I could do was picture us together with two kids who vegged out in front of the TV and him drinking Scotch in a 3-piece powder blue business suit. Um, ew. I broke up with him shortly after that but he is still one of my bestest friends to this day. The only problem was that I felt horrible when he reacted so sadly to me breaking up with him so I vowed never to break up with another boy again.

JD - Tenth grade. Met him in the same online chat room. (I KNOW.) I was 15, he was 19. He was my first. We never called each other by name for the entire two years we dated and we didn't actually like each other all that much but we didn't exactly know how to break up so we just didn't bother. Eventually he just started dating someone else and that was the end of that. My favorite part about him was his vampire teeth. :) I have scars on my neck. My poor mom is very glad that didn't last.

Hitler - Twelfth grade. Met him in the same online chat room. (I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW!!) His parents knew my dad, although I didn't know that when I first met him. I assure you at the time I met him I did not know he was a skinhead, but he turned out to be one. We hung out a ton and I realized over time what he was. We had one date at the end of which we kissed and we both got that "ew, did I just kiss my sibling?" feeling. He told me he was grounded for two weeks after, but that was a lie. I actually ran through a blinking red light in front of a cop while I was taking him home because I was so nervous about the whole thing, and we got pulled over. We broke up but he still confided in me about a few issues to do with conflict of not wanting to be a skinhead but actually being one. He moved away with his parents never to be heard of again.

Skippy - Twelfth grade. Went to school with him. He was kinda cute and all, but the actual reason I started dating him was because another guy I definitely didn't want to date had his mouth open to ask me out and just as he was about to speak Skippy asked me out so I said, "YES, PLEASE, YES, THANK YOU." Lasted a few months, but I was actually crushing very hard on the boy to come next so we broke up semi-unamicably as a result. Saw him years later when I started working at my current employer's and we made amends. He's a pretty cool guy, we just have absolutely nothing in common.

Duncan - Summer before college. Oh my. First love of my life. We dated for two weeks then he told me he was in love me. I thought about it for an hour and I told him the same. The only catch? He was younger and his parents hated me. We dated on and off for a few years while I stayed here and he travelled to Belgium for a high school year abroad then to Princeton for college. I was a complete ass and cheated on him with my hot roommate (see below) because hot roommate was physically there and Duncan wasn't. I never said I wasn't an idiot.

Break Boy - Somewhere during a break period with Duncan. I have known Break Boy since I was 6 years old. Guy Friend lived in a room near Break Boy, and I walked in one day to find him there. The most beautiful blue eyes... I hung out with him overnight once but neither of us dared to do anything so I slept on the bed while he slept on the floor. I stole his keys, which turned out to be the "in" my friend Break Boy's Wife used to meet him and fall in love. Eff.

Roy - Junior year of college. The first day I moved into the apartment he gave me a hug and I could feel the electricity run through my entire body. Uh oh. We never dated, just had sex. I very much enjoyed it, much to the dismay of Duncan who confronted me on the issue. Roy eventually lost interest in me (playa) so I went on to a new buddy.

Peter - First senior year of college. (I had two. That's what switching your major your senior year does.) Peter was gay but he enjoyed a good beard, and didn't seem to mind sex with me either. We had an incredibly fabulous time that pretty much ended after he realized I totally dug his boyfriend. What can I say? He pointed me in the direction of the next guy and went on his merry way.

Luke - First senior year of college, summer before second. He had actually been crushing on me since high school but I didn't even notice him. He pursued me really hard at the encouragement of Peter and I stupidly gave in. The funny thing about crushes is that sometimes when you finally get the object of your desire it's nothing like what you'd hoped it would be. He quickly became cold and distant, then broke up with me my first day of second senior year.

Nick - Second senior year of college. I met him at work. I really just wanted to "hang out" with him. We hung out. We couldn't actually motivate to do anything more than hang so we stopped hanging.

Bob - Second senior year of college, summer after college. He was Luke's best friend. Luke didn't appreciate that. Bob approached me and lied about his age (he was 3 years younger). He was not a nice guy but was great in bed. His family was awesome. He cheated on me while I was on a business trip. I stupidly continued to hang out with him after that but finally stopped when I came over to pick him up to go watch TV at my house and his ex-girlfriend was in bed with him.

Hay - Winter after college. We met at work. I'll keep the details to myself because he won't appreciate me sharing pretty much anything beyond that other than we're now married and have three kitties together. ;)


This by no means provides details of all of the crushes I've ever had on friends and colleagues, but it's what I'm willing to put out into the ether. :) I hope you enjoyed. Now stop oggling and get back to work!