Note: I don't have a point to this post, this is just me sharing something on my mind. No point in leaving it as a draft, as L-i-T points out that sometimes Blogger accidentally posts drafts. And, thank you to everyone who commented on my Private eyes post. It helps to hear perspective. When I saw that there were 10 comments I assumed that I had been the victim of drive-by spamming, only to find 10 legitimate comments from people whose opinion matters to me. :)
For anyone who doesn't know, I've had this back injury thing since December, 2004. It was a freak box lifting accident, the result of which was a sprained ligament and a herniated disc pressing onto a nerve bundle so that my right leg is also in pain as well as my back. Before the injury I exercised every other day for 45-50 minutes, with the ultimate goal of ramping up to hour-long sessions. Because of the injury I was told to stop exercising. That was all well and fine for the first month, but then I started to gain weight. I wasn't a Skinny Minnie to begin with, but that bit of extra weight was really hard for me to cope with in addition to the back injury. I didn't get depressed over it, just very frustrated. My back still is not better, but getting there. I do a bit of walking when I can, planting, and mowing the lawn, but that's it in terms of activity.
This summer was so freakin' A hot that I couldn't stand it. I kept wearing minimal clothing at home and switched from drinking tons of milk and eating tons of cheese to drinking tons of ice water and eating tons of fat-free sugar-free popsicles and fudgecicles. I lost a good 15 to 20 pounds this summer. People are starting to notice, as is obvious by their comments to me. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I feel pressure to keep the weight off now that people notice. I definitely want to keep the weight off, but weight and I have always been bitter enemies.
I've learned to "care less" in my older age to trick my body into at least maintaining a weight rather than yo-yoing out of control and ending up heavier than when I started. But, now I'll be embarrassed and disappointed if I gain the weight back this winter. It's just frustrating. I want to be thinner for my health, not because I dislike myself or worry about what others think of me. I think I look hot, even completely naked in front of a full length mirror (and Mr. Poppy agrees :), but I'd rather not die of an obesity-related illness before my golden years.
I guess it's time to consistently eat better and do as much exercise as I can, but at the same time not worry about what other people think? Wow, that's a truly lofty goal...
6 comments:
About 12 years ago I injured my back... Same damn thing. Herniated disc that pressed on the nerve that ran down the leg, although left in my case. Sometimes I can still remember what that pain was like, so I can really relate to that. And it was frustrating to not be able to do some stuff I was used to doing. And now with my tendon the way it is, I'm feeling it again because I've only just been released to a very minimal amount of exercise. (10 minutes a day on a stationary bike max). Unfortunately, I've gained weight with all this sitting this summer. I hope you manage to keep it off. I know how much it sucks to be down weight and then gain it all back because of an injury.
YEAAAH! I love this post, for so many reasons. ((hug))
I feel your pain, sister! I too have the herniated disc/sciatica pains in my leg. It's a bitch. Ditto on the weight thing.
I've always battled with my weight and, over the course of 20 years, have gained & lost the poundage many times. Sometimes it's because I've made the effort & sometimes I didn't even notice it was happening. Right now I'm the heaviest I've ever been (I gained quite a bit in the last 2 years due to various reasons) and it just seems that the older I get, the more difficult it is to lose. Plus, I seem to have very little motivation... even though I have the desire. While I don't have any trouble with my back, I am having a lot of problems with my knees lately, due to the extra weight I'm now carrying. My goal would not be to fit into something I wore at 19, but rather to have my body at an acceptable weight so as not to put any undue stress or strain on my limbs/joints/muscles or heart. I would just like to be healthy. If you were able to lose weight over the summer, just by cutting out some high fat items and keeping yourself hydrated, pat yourself on the back -- you've already taken great steps to improve your health. And if you didn't find it an excrutiating lifestyle change, maybe it won't be so hard to continue in the same vein. Maintaining a realistic weight you (and your back) can handle is much better than doing all sorts of crazy things to lose an unreasonable amount of weight. This comment is already far too long and I will stop now. :) In closing, you seem like the type of person that can do anything once you put your mind to it.
It's so hard to manage weight even when you're able-bodied and devoid of health problems. But to try to do it when you're not allowed to exercise? I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering. I find it quite interesting that when you lost weight you suddenly became more visible to people. Why do people respond more to thin people than to not-thin people? That's a complicated emotional stew). I also wondered why people were concerned with your looks as opposed to your health.
I've reached the end of my third decade and I've become a real yo-yo. The only way I can keep the weight off is by strict denial of all the foods I love: pizza, sweets, french fries, carbs, etc. I HATE it. I also exercise six days a week. If I don't monitor myself, I'll wind up obese, like every other member of my family. They're 50-125 lbs. overweight. Zoinks. What choice do we have?
People are starting to notice, as is obvious by their comments to me. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I feel pressure to keep the weight off now that people notice.
Boy that really resonated with me. I always think it's odd that people would never walk up to you and say "Wow, you're really fat!" but they think nothing of telling you how much better you look. It's like they've been bursting to tell you something and they've finally hit upon a remark that they consider "polite".
It also offends me because it implies that I am somehow obligated to improve what they are looking at. As if my only reason for losing weight is to make their life better. And I swear that some people believe that weight is an issue of character. The pressure not to gain it back is their way of keeping you in the "flock" of the righteous.
Sorry for the rant. I should probably write a post about it LOL.
B
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