Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Private eyes
I'm finding myself more and more lately writing out blog entries then indefinitely saving them as drafts rather than publishing them. The entries are just too personal for me to show the world, but I have to write them down for my sake or else I can't move past the feeling that is stuck in my head or my heart. The draft posts sit on my screen, taunting me with the reminder that they are "unfinished business". I feel guilty for not being completely forthcoming with those who choose to read my blog, but ...I just can't do it. I can't protect my privacy and be honest at the very same time. Such a dilemma. Time for a paper journal, a certain light blue fake suede diary that has been sitting untouched in a box in the basement for 3+ years... The one given to me by the "friend" who is no longer my friend. Hmm, maybe it's time to buy a new journal.
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10 comments:
I have a regular journal for the super crazy. I keep it on my harddrive, I'll admit that, but it doesn't get posted for the whole world to see. Nobody needs to see that.
i like having a personal journal too...good for stuff you're not ready to share.
Maybe you can start up another, un"publicized" blog to get these writings out there? ;)
I keep so many drafts going at one time it's ridiculous. But I don't really hesitate to post them because they're personal. It's mainly because they're just not finished yet.
I struggled with that, too, but it is so therapeutic to get it out there. People can read it and take whatever they want from whatever you have to say, but the most amazing thing is how you feel after getting it out there. It's sort of like an "I'm here, and I am not ashamed of who I am and what I've gone through" kind of thing for me. For me, anyway, you have to do what you're comfortable with when you're ready. Blogging is a different land - your repeat readers are friends, and it is sort of weird to know that you've friends you've never met. I can't speak for everyone, but I know that I'm here for you when you need to vent. As your friend, whom you've never met. Your stories thus far have touched me, and I hope you never have to censor yourself. Get it out there, out of you, in any way you can.
I tried to start a personal blog that I poured my deepest honesty into. I found I just don't have the time to devote to another blog.
be careful! someday blogger will make an error and post all the drafts too (it already did once!)
Yeah, you could always start a personal blog and never tell anyone about it.
I struggle with the same thing. Funny that I could never keep a "real" journal for fear that it would be found.
And now, I just display everything for the world to see. Well, not everything. No, I guess not the really important stuff. The things that make me, me.
I definitely relate to what you are going through.
I have another blog for the more private/personal/painful things in my life. It's not updated as often as my regular blog and, for a while, I contemplated deleting it since my entries became fewer & further between... but I decided to keep it anyway, for the times I do need to use it as my safe place to vent.
And if you don't want comments on your personal blog, you always have the option of removing that function.
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