Wanted: Female companion aged 25-65^ to sit next to me and maybe hold my hand or put her arm around my shoulder during scary movies. Must be able to handle all types of horror movies, including the Saw series*, Rob Zombie movies, all zombie movies in general, 28 Days Later-type films, and anything with a lot of blood, gore, and general over-the-topness. In return I give you platonic friendship and free pats of my furry kittos. Travel a must, but you pay your way+. Free room and board for the duration of your stay offered to people with clean feet@. Serious responders only.
---
^Look, I increased the age range! How nice of me!
*I watched the original, but haven't watched Saw II, and now Girls Talkin' Smack tells me there is a III'd one in the making.
+See, this really isn't a good deal for you, only for me.
@Non-negotiable, dirty feet are a deal breaker.
7 comments:
Hm. I'm a little bit scared of "free pats of my furry kittos."
What a... unique ad.
I love it! I want to apply but I need to clarify something... I don't actually need to WATCH the movie, do I? I can just sit next to you, pat the kitties and read a book or something?
Saw II? Good. Freaking scary but good.
I'm too young. (24)
Oh, and I can't afford to travel.
Sorry! (Believe me, I wish I could!!!)
I'd prefer that the person watch the movies with me, but I absolutely cannot tolerate the lights being turned on or any light source save the movie itself being visible as I watch the film, so probably no reading unless you have cat vision.
As for the age range - if you're mature for your young age I'll reconsider. I just don't want someone coming over just to case the place so they can hire a hit man to kill me and steal my cheese. Not that age has anything to do with it, but the woman who most recently did this was 18, so. yah.
(In case you're wondering what the f I was smoking when I wrote that last comment, read the article for yourself.)
I'm 31, female, have clean feet and am willing to travel. I won't steal your cheese or hire a hitman to kill you and steal your cheese, although I would request a cheesy snack to enjoy during non-gory parts of horror movies. I reserve the right to pop Valium after the movie in order to avoid thinking about the serial murderer that is surely hiding under the bed.
I'm out. If I have to watch the scary movie IN THE DARK then I will likely pee on your couch and I think, regardless of how clean my feet are, you will not be happy with that.
Post a Comment