What is it like to choose to live with someone who is so different from you that you must tiptoe around that person, feel uncomfortable in your own skin, pretend to be someone else, just so that you feel like you fit into that person's life?
The first person I fell in love with was so completely different from me that I was always trying to be someone else. I cried a lot. I felt awkward. I felt unloved. I felt unimportant. I felt fake. I have fond memories of that person, but I still resent much of that time, because I actually felt that if I was myself then I was not good enough for him...
Earlier tonight I made weird noises that I can't quite recall, some sort of woohooing, or something, and my husband didn't even flinch. I can be myself with him. I don't feel self conscious when my husband is within earshot when I randomly break into song, when I string tons of curse words together just for effect, when I start speaking in other languages to the cats, or when I do any of the boundless quirky things that make me who I am.
I am so glad that my first love broke my heart so that I could find this love... :)
2 comments:
Amen sister! I had a similar experience. I am with someone who doesn't irritate me. I know that sounds kind of cliche but it's true.
I could have written this myself!:-)
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