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Because I seem to be incapable of telling a story anymore I will use bullet points to describe why Hay and I didn't go to the wedding today:

• I worked with the bride but no longer do
  
• The bride is greedy
  
• The bride annoys me
  
• The bride is a slacker
  
• The bride has a spontaneous whistling/singing habit that irritates me into a place in my head where it is safe, and even there I don't feel safe anymore
  
• The bride stabs backs
  
• The bride makes promises she does not keep
  
• The bride is rude
  
• The bride uses people
  
• The bride takes advantage of others' kindness
  
• The bride is always late
  
• The bride plays the victim if confronted over any issue
  
• The bride likes to hear herself talk
  
• The bride has an obnoxious laugh
  
• The bride uses her faith to get out of life situations but secretly she just doesn't want to do stuff
  
• The bride never finishes what she starts
  
• The bride is not my friend
  
• The bride criticizes me about my appearance inward and out despite her own appearance inward and out being several large steps back from spectacular
  
• The bride will never see me again
  
• The bride will not have missed me at her wedding
  
• If she did then that's even better.

~ The End ~