I got tagged by Pat to write a list of six things that are weird about me. Here are my six things:
1. No matter how clean you tell me your bare feet are they are DIRTY. Keep them away from me, or I might throw up on them and then you'll definitely agree that they are DIRTY.
2. If a complete stranger annoys me in any way I will mumble (quietly, obviously) about them in their presence. I'll even call them names. Yesterday I called a woman the c word* in the bathroom for not waiting until I had completely left the stall before she charged me to get into it AND for coughing on me (without covering her fucking mouth) while she charged by. She didn't hear me. I later went back into that bathroom when it was empty and I said the c word quite loudly "at" her. Deserved, à mon avis.
3. I would rather talk to animals than people.
4. I am a moral sociopath. This means that I do consider morals when weighing my decision to keep people at a safe distance or to get what I want. For example: I will offer you the smaller piece of cake rather than eating both pieces myself; I won't take your phone calls but I'll email you a reply that makes it clear you shouldn't bother calling me.
5. I love Amy Sedaris and consider her a personal role model.
6. Whenever I am out in public alone I am constantly thinking through strategies for fending off attackers. I am secretly looking forward to the day when I am attacked just so that I can practice some of these strategies, because I am a moral sociopath so I can't just attack people unprovoked! Hay and I agree that we wouldn't want to meet me in a dark alley.
I'm tagging everyone and no one. Enjoy delving into your weird side. Let me know if you do this because I want to know all the weird things about you. (Yes, I'm talking to you.)
*Censored for P'nut, who doesn't care for that word.