Sour is trying to seduce me

Saturday in the mail I received a package from Canada. While I was trying to open it I somehow brought the envelope up near my face and thought, “mmmm, yummy, that smells really nice. Did she do that or did someone else get their perfume on the package?”

And then I finally got the package open to find this note:



Which accompanied porn:





(But not kitty porn, like the photo montage would suggest.)

She is soooooo trying to get in my pants! Right??

(SP, that envelope smelled incredible. I might need to pick me up some. ;)

some awe? lots of awe!

I am awesome.

For a variety of reason.

I'm even awelots.



That is all.

<3 movie rave

Vlog, vlog, vlog: You know I'm obsessed with Paperlilies, right? She's, like, my sister. Except she barely knows I exist. ... And I talk about some other stuff and look (sechsee? sessee? whatever you all call it) while I do it.



Yes, I have an itchy trigger finger. So, I'll say it properly here: Bye!

¡que rica!

"You can lose weight at a Jenny center."

What is meant: Jenny Craig
What it means to me: vagina


I blame de la soul for this misunderstanding.

Sunday Garden Party, now with more butter!

...flies. Butterflies. Yes. Not buttery.

Lots of butterflies and bugs on the flowers this week. My favoritest combination.



I even had a butterfly on my leg!



The rest of the 51 photos are at flickr.

Well, that was painful

We called Verizon last night because our internet kept dropping. They fucked up our DSL modem. Well, okay, technically, we fucked it up by DOING WHAT THEY SAID.

Fixed now, because of the wonderful Verizon tech support lady in India. She only had to mutter "oh my god" under her breath once. ;)

stupid PPP

Verizon keeps going down and up and down and up. Not that I'm really doing anything online today, it's just annoying.

giggles

Sunday, July 22: I wrote this post yesterday when PPP was being a bitchy bitch. It is still relevant.

I was looking for the "dance for your life footage" for Hok on the last results show of SYTYCD and instead I found this video:



I giggled and drooled through the whole thing. Hok and Dominic must be friends because Dominic's in a lot of candid shots with him.

Still can't find the video I'm looking for.

A video would be nice

I have been up since 6:30am for no reason other than that shiny orb outside is evil.

I have since been trying to make you a video but iMovie has gone all tardy on me and keeps crashing when I try to open it from any user account. I'll fix it later.

What I was going to say in a video:

1. Harry Potter dies in the end. It's very macabre. (You know I actually have no idea, right? I didn't see spoilers, I'm just messing with you.)

2. I went to an event last night. At said event:

a. I got to hang out with the crew I used to work with fresh out of college.
b. I ordered "something yummy" from the cash bar and got a Cape Codder (not yummy, who thinks cranberry juice is "yummy"?!??).
c. The hors d'oeuvres were fucking amazing. I ate two black bean and corn empanadas and two veggie egg rolls in an Asian chili sauce.
d. I saw a rabbit. A biiiiiig rabbit.
e. Dinner was fucking amazing: green beans with ginger shallot butter, mixed greens with (tasty something or other) vinaigrette, fresh tomato and basil with balsamic vinegar, herbed rice pilaf, lemon chicken, spinach and cheese ravioli, and marinated flank steak. I ate it all. And I never "eat it all" when I'm at events because usually the food sucks ass. The guy next to me (not Hay, the other guy) went back to get a second plate and I stared longingly at it while I thought of stealing it from him.
f. Dessert sucked. Let me just explain that this is okay with me because dinner was so good that I didn't actually want dessert. The only good thing about dessert was the single, solitary strawberry that I ate. Perfectly sweet and juicy.
g. The after dinner coffee was also amazing. Kudos to whoever put the right amount of grounds into the coffee brewer. I like it BOLD, not like tea.
h. There was a live 80s cover band. I love 80s music so I had a very good time just sitting in my chair singing along and chair dancing (because I'm not coordinated enough to stand-up dance and nobody asked me and I'm not asking anybody there, thanks).
i. There were gift boxes on the table. When I opened mine I found inside of it one of those balls that if you squeeze it the inside flashes different colors of light. It was actually a necklace. One of the other people at the table received a Hello Kitty smarties dispenser (not Pez) and she didn't want it so she gave it to me. I shall be sending it to my mom. :)
j. I had great conversations with people at my table as well as when milling about. When I am completely comfortable with a group of people I'll chat everybody up. Those people are like family (the good members only, thanks) so it was a very enjoyable time.
k. I texted a few of you (Sour, H, and K) from the car when I was leaving the party and you all seemed to be doing very interesting things. Am I the only one who usually just sits at home on a Friday night?! Hmm.

3. I'm mowing the lawn at some point during this absolutely gorgeous day. I wonder what adventures I'll have. (My thumb and hand are completely better, by the way.)

4. I'm probably going to see the Harry Potter movie tonight and getting the book tomorrow or next week. I don't mind if you email me to tell me the ending, it's fine. ;)

Update: Avi told me the ending in IM. Now, now, people. I did ask him to. So, no throwing things at him. I still don't own book 7 and I still haven't gone to the theater to see the current film.

5. I have lots of days off next week because (it's my birthday...oh, you're still reading? hi!) so I'm a bit crazy with work at the moment. I'm probably going to do some of it this weekend so that it's just over with. I get to do mock-ups of a web page (I'm not sure how many I'm doing...20?) and my creative process is hindered by all the work interruptions, so doing this at home just makes sense. Avi's work ethic has rubbed off on me. (Stop humping my leg! YOU ARE SUCH A PERV. ;)

6. Feist is coming to visit me in September. I am quietly excited.

7. Speaking of visit, remember how I said I needed to hurry up and meet bloggers? In a two week period starting at the end of September I will be meeting seven bloggers. I am so very not quietly excited, but I'm (WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT) playing it cool. If Crys gets that Newf this weekend I will be scheming a visit to her swath of the woods as well. (All of you living around her, watch out for the Poppy Tornado. [I'm pretty sure I just made a monkey noise.])

Is it unlucky to end a list at 7? Hm.

Kiss me I'm #!@*faced

It's not every day a girl gets called over to do an emergency work-related photo shoot with a drop-dead yummy boy who knows he's hot but is shy about it and another super yummy boy who has no idea he's yummy so he wears Dropkick Murphys shirts to compensate for his imaginary inadequacies.



I love my job.

Who does that?

I was just chatting with "the new girl" (who is so severely awesome I can't stand it) and she was telling me that the person she is replacing (who gave 2.5 months notice, wtf) has been on the phone all day with her realtor because someone has put an offer on her house contingent upon her letting them have her dog.

Her dog.

Her dog.

Dogs? Are family.

Dogs? Are not property.

Don't give me that legal mumbo jumbo bullshit. You take an animal into your fold and you keep it. You don't sell it with the house!!!!!!!!

The New Girl told me that she left her office because she was mad that The Old Girl was on the phone with her son trying to convince him that selling his childhood dog with his childhood house was for the best.

There are no words...

An open letter to The Johns that ends poorly

Dear John and John,

Kristen wrote you a letter a while back because she was disappointed. Now *I* am disappointed, which is a state I have never been in for the 15 years I have known you, and never thought I could be in.

At the last show? Remember? When I sang along to all the songs, and wore my Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica shirt, and yelled to Flans I loved him and he told me he loved me back? You promised you'd be back in July to whisk me away.

You broke that promise.

And my heart.

And now I realize you were just trying to get me to buy your new album.

Ana Ng was treated much better.

Sorrowfully no longer yours,
~Poppy

zomghok

If the SYTYCD judges get rid of Hok they're stupid in the BAD way.

That solo was fucking AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I so cannot wait to post video of that.

Edit: Stupid judges.

a little bit

I would really like to borrow Lacey's outfit.

You know, just to wear in the back yard and to cheerleading practices.

Jupiter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stolen without permission (yet) Borrowed with permission from the blog of whall. :) :) :)

ants marching

On the walk back from a client's office to my car yesterday:



Thanks, DMB. :)

stfuwtf

I hate when Gmail is down. Bastards.

dinner

Last night I had the following:

• Harpoon's UFO raspberry hefeweizen*
  
• Pepperidge Farm roasted garlic bread with an arrabiata dipping sauce
  
• MorningStar Farms veggie corn dogs with yellow mustard
  
• Generic brand potato skins, straight up

It's one of the tastiest dinners I've had in a long time. And I love to eat.

Yes, I ate that entire plate of food. I don't know if that's a lot, but I was super full after for sure. :)


*I'm a simple girl and I will generally choose a cheap JW Dundee's honey brown for a flavored beer, but the grocery store only sells it in 12-packs and I just wanted a 6-pack. Cost-wise this is a dumb choice, but fridge space-wise it's a smart choice. :)

As you wish.

Your Love Life is Like The Princess Bride

"Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind." For you, love is like a fairy tale - albeit a fairly twisted one. You believe romance is all about loyalty, fate, and a good bit of goofy fun. Your love style: Idealistic yet quirky Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Perfectly romantic What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

Thanks to Sour for the nudge. :)

Legend

Since nobody seems to understand, I'm going to make a key.

When I say the following they mean the follow-up to the following:

stg - something
cx - change
yar - this makes me severely happy
blueberry - please stop doing what you're doing, my safe word has been activated

I'll post more of these as they occur to me.

An update on the whole hand thing

Sunday and Monday my hand was blown up like a balloooon. I think I still have a bit of cellulitis in the left thumb, but otherwise the hand looks awesome. At the advice of severely nefarious counsel I have decided not to consult a physician and instead risk amputation of the thumb. You'll all still love me if I'm missing a thumb, right? Right!

Comparisons...

The original hand:

The hand today:

(Click to enlarge any of my awesome hand images.)

I think I'll survive. Really. Thanks for your concern, though. And if I need my hand amputated I know who to sue. ;)

Bengal tigers?

My favorite kind of epiphany: The shower epiphany.

I've since forgotten what this morning's was, but it was soooo very, very good at the time. I at least remember the subject matter... Hmm.


Update: I have since remembered my epiphany, and realized I already took care of it. (Took care of an epiphany? *shrug*)

geekbot

I have this overwhelming urge to run around the house yelling "PEW PEW LAZORZ!"

Why?

fields of gold Gordon

I got stung by something yesterday while mowing after which my hand and thumb swelled up. Yesterday I took Benadryl and the hand swelling went away completely but my thumb still does any of the following at any given time: remains swollen; itches; hurts if I run any temperature of water across it; tingles; stings.

I took photos, but I have little hope you'd notice the difference.

Here it is (my left hand, thanks, stop making fun of my hands!):

Horritable

Avi sent out absolutely filthy, disgusting, horrible, only-Avi-can-be-so-naughty postcards the week of June 18 to anyone who wanted one. I got mine that Wednesday:







And then he made his postcards into a business which he calls Postcard Hell. And then he convinced Joefish to enter his batcave and do the design of the site. And then Avi sat on his ass not announcing the site for a month. And now he finally fucking has. :) GO BUY SOME POSTCARDS.

Adventures in mowing part II

I should perhaps make a label for this!

Today I was doing my big spinny circles on the long part again when I saw three neighbor kids running as fast as they could for my property. My first instinct is to seemingly ignore until I can calmly assess, so I turned my mower away from them then looked out of the very edge of my eye to see that the kids were not running for a ball, they were running for a puppy, and so was the neighbor kids' mom. She was yelling her head off at those kids while they yelled for and chased after the puppy. ...

Yah, that's gonna work.

I hopped off my mower, kneeled down on the ground, looked that puppy right in the eyes, and said, "oh, aren't you the cutest puppy? come here, sweetie!" and of course she bounds into my arms and I scoop her up and hand her over to neighbor mom while she is still shrieking at the kids that they can't run after the puppy. ...

You're welcome?

Cute little beagle named Sammy, which is the name of one of my childhood dogs so I instantly felt a bond. :) Such is the life of an animal lover. I secretly hope Sammy gets loose and runs over more often, but I also secretly hope she learns to look both ways before crossing the road.

INFP SGP

An incredibly accurate test (except the guilt part, I don't possess the guilt genes, I threw them away when they didn't fit anymore) about personality which I stole from Avi who guessed I'd be INTP, but I teeter on T and F (T at work, F at play):

Your Score: Pollyanna- INFP
46% Extraversion, 73% Intuition, 20% Thinking, 40% Judging

So, you want to make the world a better place? Too bad it's never gonna happen.

Of all the types, you have to be one of the hardest to find fault in. You have a selfless and caring nature. You're a good listener and someone who wants to avoid conflict. You genuinely desire to do good.

Of course, these all add up to an incredibly overpowered conscience which makes you feel guilty and responsible when anything goes wrong. Of course, it MUST be your fault EVERYTIME.

Though you're constantly on a mission to find the truth, you have no use for hard facts and logic, which is a source of great confusion for those of us with brains. Despite this, in a losing argument, you're not above spouting off inaccurate fact after fact in an effort to protect your precious values.

You're most probably a perfectionist, which in this case, is a bad thing. Any group work is destined to fail because of your incredibly high standards.

Disregard what I said before. You're just easy to find fault in as everyone else!

Luckily, you're generally very hard on yourself, meaning I don't need to waste my precious time insulting you. Instead, just find all your own faults and insult yourself.

*****************

Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

---

And now, for SGP. It's a perfect set of 36 so I'm showing the entire thumbnail set right here:



To view the closer-ups go visit flickr.

double-edged stick of fire*

My brilliance is perhaps overshadowed by my stupidity.

Brilliance: I had a coffee to stay awake for the fireworks.

Stupidity: I had a coffee... to stay awake... for the fireworks.

A smack to the forehead would be wise at this juncture.

Also wise at this juncture? ME SHOWING YOU FIREWORKS PHOTOS! WOOOOOHOOOOOO!

One of the neighbor kids playing with sparklers:



I used the moon setting so that I could capture the movement. I think they were trying to spell the abbreviation for Iowa, which happens to be IA. Yes, you see that too? Awesome.

Here are the rest of the 61 photos. Go. Look! Do it! Stop reading my words! Go look at my mad photo skillz, yo!

Sigh.

You people don't "listen" very well..11!!!!!@!!!

Bye.


*I told you I live in France, where we celebrate Bastille Day. (But really this is just a do-over of the July 4th fireworks which were rained out on the day.)

pan-fried steak

Have I ever mentioned I love steak? I have? I have. I love steak! And now I love pan-fried steak, thanks to Melting Wok who has shared her recipe for a fantastically crispified hunk of moo.

Pan-fried Rib Eye Steak With Mushrooms And Onions

Ingredients :
1 piece 1/2 inch thick, rib eye steak ( approximately 14 oz )
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp black pepper
1 tsp cumin powder
1 tsp cayenne pepper
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce ( preferably Lea & Perrin )
4 tbsp olive oil
7 oz button mushroom, sliced
1/2 a yellow onion, cut into rings

Method :
1) Rub both sides of the steak with salt first. Then with black pepper, cumin powder, cayenne pepper, worcestershire sauce, and lastly olive oil.
2) Refrigerate for an hour or preferably overnight.
3) Remove steak from refrigerator 15 minutes before cooking.
4) Heat pan until really hot. Saute onions until slightly fragrant in 1 tbsp olive oil. Add mushroom and continue stir-frying for 1 minute. Dish up and set aside.
5) Pan-fry steaks in 2 tbsp olive oil using the above cooking tips.

I am choosing to ignore the fact that there are mushrooms in this recipe. Anybody want mine?

Websites as graphs and handwriting calculators

Map out your blog into a pritty pikshur:

Everyday, we look at dozens of websites. The structure of these websites is defined in HTML, the lingua franca for publishing information on the web. Your browser's job is to render the HTML according to the specs (most of the time, at least). You can look at the code behind any website by selecting the "View source" tab somewhere in your browser's menu.

HTML consists of so-called tags, like the A tag for links, IMG tag for images and so on. Since tags are nested in other tags, they are arranged in a hierarchical manner, and that hierarchy can be represented as a graph…

I found this over in Joe's archives (the correct visual representation of his blog is here) and thought I'd try it on my own blog:



Apparently I'm a ginormous dandelion. Or my blog is. And it has ripped through the very fabric of the space-time continuum to create a black hole. ... Hmm.

On a completely different note, you know I love handwriting samples and you know I love vlogs but it never occurred to me to combine the two!!!:



Mesmerizing... :)

the perfect lunch on my day off

MorningStar Farms mini veggie corn dogs and french fries, pan fried in peanut oil.

What's better? (Rhetorical.)

dammitalltohell

A client appointment that should have taken the entire afternoon took an hour and a half because my partner in crime and I are too fucking efficient. Now I have to do more work? We even discussed playing hooky on the way back from that office but then we forgot to. Had it all schemed out to go read books at the bookstore. No one would have even noticed!! *sigh*

At least he just bought me a Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice cream bar? (WOOOT!) Good guy.

I think I shall now avoid projects and continue unpacking my office.

sliTher

Arizona Mountain Kingsnake:



(Including the smaller version because he looks better in it.) I held him first. Really the guy at the pet store (Adam) held him and I just grabbed the snake's back end and let it flow through my fingers over and over. This guy looks like the poisonous coral snake, but no worries, isn't. Avi told me that snakes aren't slimey so I was super surprised when this guy did feel slick like baby oil.


Ball Python:



I held him completely. A beautiful and tame snake. I was still weary of his head but the worst thing he did the whole time I held him was stick his tongue out at me and curl his tail into my rain jacket. This boy was not slimey at all, dry as a bone. Ironic that the pet store guy's name is Adam and I happened to take a photo that happens to look like Michelangelo's "The Creation of Adam".


Green Tree Python:



I wanted to hold him but was not allowed because he is too aggressive. He is also $900. And gorgeous.


Adam said 5 years ago he had lizards and hated snakes. Five years later he owns zero lizards and 23 snakes. He was the right man to show us snakes. My co-worker who is working on her phobia did hold the ball python, which when it matures will be 3 feet long and 3-4 inches in diamater, if I remember correctly.

I could become a snake person if my family were compatible with such a thing. (My family is not compatible with such a thing.)

zomgzombies

Just today alone I have invited myself over to ... five? ... bloggers' homes or travel locations. Apparently I won't be satisfied until I actually MEET A BLOGGER.

Could someone please hurry up and meet me? Please?

mission aborted

I was about to go grab some food from the vending machine because I'm too lazy to walk outside and up or down the hill for food, but I heard the voice of a man I do not intentionally encounter. He gives me the "I am an equal opportunity molester" vibe.

I'm hungry, but not that hungry.

The secret one

I was strong. Until the end. Now I'm weak.

Green and Red makes shit. But at least it's fun shit. Sorta.

Yes, yes: I like the fact that I can look my supervisor in the eye and twirl my hand around in a circle facing the floor and say, "sorry I'm late, I had to do important things for the CIO" and she just smiles and says, "OK!"

No, no: I don't like it when people tape notes on my door that say, "please call me."

The move is (mostly) complete

Blur and all.

You want my office. It's okay to admit it. Say it.



I have photos too, but I'm too lazy just yet to post those.

A message from the desk of

...the somewhat malcontent but always adorable anyway Ms. Molly:

"Tell the internets I said hey, if they still remember me. Lol. I promise I'll be back! It just may not be until next month sometime."

If she doesn't come back I will be stealing her stapler, her puppy named Hershey, her snarky daughter Fynn (on Tuesdays only), and her meat-filled email.

(Please come back.)

There is a meeting titled Snake holdin' on my calendar. I did not put it there.

Giddy giddy giddy.

squeeeeeeeeee

I don't want to jinx it (too late, har) but my favoritest relative might come work with me. Giddy giddy giddy. That would soooooo rock. Oh, man. I am going to call tonight to convince. I am very convincing when I wanna be.

COME WORK WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But stop reading my blog. :P

packed

Anyone seen my stapler? I kinda need it...

Contemplate.

So, here I am in my new office and I feel... so alone.

At least I can hear my former officemate through the hall. She's on the other side of the wall, but the walls are well insulated, apparently.

Hmm. My first office all to myself with full height walls and a door that locks and I miss my officemates.

thunderstorms

Lightning strikes so fast I couldn't process each one individually. They danced through the sky but didn't touch the ground so no thunder. It was beautiful.

But then when one would go against the pack and strike the ground a low belly rumble rolled through the air.

The rain was torrential.

There have never been so many thunderstorms with hail and tornado warnings any other year of my life, let alone in such a concentrated amount of time. Why, do you suppose?

BrainyQuote's funny quote of the day(??): "I have never been hurt by what I have not said." ~Calvin Coolidge

My reaction, verbalized to an empty room: "Well, that's a wussy thing to say!"

Overheard

As I motored between new and old office I heard this about me...

Previous officemate: *making a 3-foot-long gesture with hands* "She's got some really nice short ones."

I enjoy being spoken about so fondly! She was speaking about some short shelves that are in my new office which I won't be needing, but it's amusing to overhear.

Super mega Sunday Garden Party on a Monday instead

My internet connection went down last night, sorry I didn't get SGP in "on time" but really it's my schedule anyway.

I took a million pictures, and I'm giving you all million (except three or four).

Teasers:






And the full 428-photo set is at flickr. Please enjoy.

fucking flickr.

Or, more precisely, flickr uploadr.

Still working on SGP...

salty goodness

Georgie's feet smell like Dipsy Doodles.

They do not taste like Dipsy Doodles, unfortunately.

Update: At Jenna's request, I am including a photo and link. Dipsy Doodles are rippled corn chips. They are deliciously salty and heartburn-inducing and I love them. I never eat them, though. I just sniff Georgie's feet instead.

Eyes wide open

This year's garden tour photos are fucking amazing.

You need to look at them when they're ready.

I don't care if you don't like flowers or bugs, you like wet things and it rained this year so the images are spectacular.

It'll be a few hours before I finish rotating and uploading, but ... wow. I'm pretty confident it'll be one of the best things you see today.

hunt and peck

Why is it that I'm a super fast keyboard typer but I suck at texting with my phone? I'm just trying to check in on my girl B and it's taking me 4 minutes to type something I can type in like, 5 seconds on a keyboard. I need a full keyboard.

Verizon is a bitch

Technology isn't being very nice this weekend. Our DSL went down earlier, and then went back up and then went down again. I have no idea if it wants to stay up now, but while it was down for the last hour-and-a-halfish I folded all the laundry in the master bedroom (*GASP*), put another load of laundry in the washer (*GASP*), and did dishes (not *gasp* because I am the dishes caretaker).

I feel so ... productive.

If I don't post until my return to work on Monday you perhaps know why. Or, I'm barely conscious in a garden ditch somewhere. Always another possibility. Those garden tours get raucous.

I rock!

Thanks to the gorgeous and talented hpnotiq-sipping Heather who has bestowed upon me this lovely award:



Her reason for giving it to me: "About a month ago, there was a slight misunderstanding where [Poppy] thought I called her a bitch. We sorted it out and she became a very cool blog friend. She’s very witty and makes me laugh often."

She rocks harder. And whenever she mln's at us I go a bit insane in the membrane. :)

I'm supposed to keep the chain going and choose 5 people to give this award to. I'll understand if the color scheme of it doesn't permit you to post it on your blog, but... you still get the award, chicas. Here goes:

1. Bdogg. Who didn't see this one coming? B is my bestest friend in the entire world. She is beautiful and caring and supportive and loving and she names her cats after anime characters.

2. SourPuss. ZOMG she rocks so hard. Really, everything about her is rockin'. From her badass attitude about life to her pirate porn collection (heeheehee) she is just amazing. Plus she's super intelligent and she lives in Canada which is where I want to live in my perfect world.

3. Mel. How can I not name my horndog partner in crime? She's sassy and she smokes several mean cigars. (Girl, that last video was HOT.)

4. Stef. She loves music, ergo she rocks. Plus she is witty and beautiful and wildly entertaining and a wonderful draw-er, and she thinks I know what I'm talking about when it comes to gardening and landscaping which is very flattering.

5. Kristen. HER NIPPLES ARE PIERCED. Nuff said. Okay, okay, and she's just amazing.

If I don't say this I'm going to get hate comments if she notices, so I'm calling out a particular blogger extraordinaire: Someone who I refuse to give the award to because she is the shaman of my life is Crys. A shaman does not rock; a shaman rolls. And fills everyone with light and box wine.

There are others of you who are not on the list who also rock. I hate being limited by quantity.

That just shouldn't be possible.

Who falls 16 stories down and LIVES?!

The guy on Miami Ink asking for a cross with angel wings tattoo, that's who!

What. The.

I'm going to tell you a story

I was just out mowing the lawn, with my earplugs in and Justin Timberlake cranked to the highest decibel while I swung in beautiful circles around the part of the lawn that is perpendicular to the road which goes out to the rest of town. While I was doing spinnies I looked up and saw a car stopped in the middle of the road and a man staring at me. He kinda waved at me to come over. I put up my finger to say "one moment," stopped the mower, took off my headphones, took out one ear plug, and walked up to the car. The man's wife was seated next to them. They instantly let me know they were both deaf but they were lost.

You think this is going to go poorly, don't you. Well, my friends, you are wrong.

I know a bit of sign, enough so that I can make people understand that I intend to help them but that I totally suck at directions. I took the printed page the man had in his hands and read the email that gave directions to the house they were trying to find. Whoever wrote that was a wordy bastard, because the directions were awful but there was a lot of flowery language around the directions to distract me while I was trying to quickly scan the email.

As I was doing this the neighbors from down the street came down the road in their car. I flagged them down, except I flagged them down as if they too were deaf and they thought I was just waving at them until I increased my waving frequency to full alert. I borrowed the paper from the man in the car and signaled that I would give it right back to him. "Hi, these people are lost and I totally suck at giving directions." The neighbors couldn't follow the directions either, but as they looked over the paper I noticed a phone number on it. I told the neighbors I'd call and they handed me back the paper and went on their merry way.

I signed to the couple in the car that I was going to call for directions, pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, and dialed. Two rings. A man answered the phone. "Hello?" "Hi, my name is (oh, you all know what my name is), and I am here with (man's name) and (woman's name) and they're looking for your house but can't find it." "Ahh, yes!" After some attempts on his part to try to have me give them directions I finally explained that the man and woman were deaf and that I'm not good with directions, and would they just come to where I was and help them get to his house? I of course had no trouble explaining where I was in relation to his house because he knew where he was coming from and knew where the road that connects to town started. One up on me with knowing where he was...

I hung up with the man on the phone and handed the paper back to the man in the car. I explained with a bit of sign and clear and purposeful speaking (for the lip reading, not because I'm a tard and talk louder to people who don't speak my language) that the man on the phone would be coming to them and that I wanted them to park their car on my road to wait for the man on the phone to arrive. He and his wife were both so thankful. I was happy I could help.

I went back to mowing the lawn for five minutes and then a man and wife in another car appeared and flagged me down to thank me. I went up to the car and shook the man's hand and said "you're welcome" then I waved to him and his wife and to the man and woman who originally asked for directions. They all drove off together to do... whatever it is they had arranged over email to do.

And so concludes the story. I am thankful that: I know a bit of ASL, I carry my cell phone, and that the hearing man answered the phone even though he didn't recognize my number since most folks round here don't do that. :) Otherwise the man and woman who flagged me down for directions would be drinking ice water at my dining room table for ...ever?

Getting a title in

In case anyone else is having trouble posting Blogger titles in Firefox right now, someone in the Blogger Help Group kindly tipped us off how to get around the problem for now:

I had this problem in firefox. I discovered that if you pointed the
cursor at the top edge of the title box rather than IN the title box,
the insert cursor (vertical bar) would appear and you could click and
then enter text in the title box.

The other workaround I've found (if you can't find that "sweet spot") is to use a different browser to log in and post.

K, off to mow the lawn in the rain like a crazy person! (LIKE a crazy person.) Happy Saturday, everyone!

The caterpillar

Make sure to watch them in order. And for crying out loud, please understand that I just took my foot out of a sock and a shoe on a hot day. My foot isn't normally bulging veins like that! (Or maybe it is, I don't pay attention to my feet.)

Ohhhh, this makes me laugh my head off

From slashdot:

"Consumer-advocate blog Consumerist ran a sting operation to catch a Best Buy Geek Squad member searching for and stealing media files from a customer's computer. The article includes the story with screen captures and a video of the technician's actions. From that piece: 'Reached for comment, Geek Squad CEO Robert Stephens expressed desire to launch an internal investigation and said, "If this is true, it's an isolated incident and grounds for termination of the Agent involved." This is not just an isolated incident, according to reports from Geek Squad insiders alleging that Geek Squad techs are stealing porn, images, and music from customer's computers in California, Texas, New Jersey, Virginia and elsewhere. Our sources say that some Geek Squad locations have a common computer set up where everyone dumps their plunder to share with the other technicians.' A related story from a former Geek Squad employee details the decline of the Geek Squad and Best Buy ethics in general."

CAUGHT WITH THE PORN. Oops, my caps lock key was stuck on. Hmm.

My bad

It is Firefox being the bitch, not Blogger. Silly me.

It's both of them not playing well together after some stupidass change someone made on a FRIDAY without testing it properly! WTF?!

Is anyone else not able to post in the title of Blogger anymore?


What the fuck?

Blogger, why won't you let me put a title here, you little bitch?

Pretend this is the title:

delayeddelayeddelayedyooooooooodelayed!

SGP will be delayed on Sunday because the garden tour starts at 10:00am and goes until 3:00pm, then I actually have to wait for my in-laws to say their nicey-nices and leave then I have to look through all gazillion images, then I have to rotate them, then I have to upload them, then I have to write a post.

So, DELAYED SGP.

moving day

All alone, all alone

My officemate is moving out as I type. Her whole family is here moving her stuff to her own office.

Sad, sad day.

"Rough" and Billy Ocean are an odd combination

Hay: Whatever happened to Billy Ocean?
Poppy: He became irrelevant.
Hay: Oh, that's terrible! ... Now, when the going gets tough?
Poppy: The tough get going.
Hay: And when the going gets rough?
Poppy: They get going too?



Follow-up:

Poppy: I once killed a man.
Hay: Jesus, really?
Poppy: His name was Billy Ocean.
Hay: Wow...

dirty towels

I am so blind without my glasses. So very, very blind. If I step out of the shower and realize my towel is too dirty to continue using I have a very awkward time finding a new one because my glasses aren't clean yet so I won't put them on to go look for a cleaner towel. I'll wander into the bedroom, open my eyes really wide, stare at the big pile of clothes on the master bed which is again not in use, and throw clothes up in the air like a mad woman while I search for a towel. Fifty percent of the time I cannot find one. Once I've deemed a towel too dirty to use it goes to the dirty pile and I cannot use it again, so even if I can't find a towel that is cleaner the one I just chucked is off limits. I instead resort to using a t-shirt, blanket, or hand towel. It's entertaining to watch, I'm sure.

You heard it here first.

I have created a new word: oinkadoinkdoinks. Used to describe our nation's tendency to eat or talk about eating or think about eating all of the time. Thanks to Kim (who has lost a bunch of weight) for inspiring me, and thanks to Missy 'Misdemeanor' Elliott for her badonkadonkdonk.




Currently this post and my comment on Kim's blog serve as the only references to that word in Google. I CALL FIRST! Which means I have now officially invented something. Yay, me!

Conversaciones con Poppy

Officemate (who also happens to be the manager of the help desk*): I hate Microsoft.
Poppy: You know you're not supposed to say that.
Officemate: You are absolutely right. But this stupid piece of shit...
Poppy: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
Officemate: *laugh* ...won't show two spreadsheets side by...
Poppy: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Officemate: side. What?
Poppy: I am having too much fun at work lately.

She cracks me up. I'm going to miss sitting in an office with her. Granted, we'll be in our own offices directly on the other side of the wall from each other, but her random outbursts are priceless.


*I do not work for the help desk. She is not my supervisor. But she is definitely like a mom to me.

Squeeeeeeeee

I just remembered I have a Starbucks frappuccino drink in the fridge at work!

CAFFEINATED POPPY!

Is this day over yet? I wanna go home and goof off.

fucking a fucker

It's Thursday, not Monday.

I appreciate that it's so late in the week, it's just really fucking confusing.



Apparently I'm cursey today.

Duran Duran has approved this message

I was just invited to go to a pet store to hold snakes.

For real. My co-worker had a snake phobia which is "cured" but she needs to go handle snakes periodically to keep the phobia at bay.

I'm going. Not right this second, but as soon as she figures out her schedule we're putting a time on our calendars to go.

I am super excited. Like, a lot. I'm not sure I've ever held a snake. (Filthy gutter minds in some of you, I tell ya... You know what I mean!!!!!)

Would you like highlights or lowlights? Because lowlights cost more.*

There were no fireworks. My town is, yup, an asshatted assclown and, despite all the boooom-booooom-booooooooooms going on in every single surrounding town our elected officials (I DIDN'T VOTE FOR ANY OF YOU, YOU BUNCH OF REPUBLICANS!**) decided they'd rather not get a little wet. Fuckers.

I had really good food. Cheddar bratwurst, macaroni salad, red potato salad, mixed green salad with a dijon-dill dressing, Cape Cod salt & pepper chips with french onion dip, BEER***, and fresh made from scratch strawberry shortcake. YUM. I just made myself hungry all over again.

I tricked myself into getting invited to the beach on one of the days I have off this month where I originally had plans to go see ACW and Mel (oh, and see my cousin get married) but that has been postponed (because my cousin is now getting married in September...don't ask).

I got felt up by both my friends, and by one of their 2-year-old children. (At least the 2-year-old used a cat toy. My friends just got all handsy on me.) (Yes, this is all much more innocent than it sounds. Apparently it's fun to touch my Old Navy low rise ultra-thin cord something-or-other pants. They do make my ass look fabulous, and now I am less creeped out that my stepmother always comments on those pants when I wear them.)

The house is clean! Because people came over! The house is never clean! Because we're lazy! Have I ever mentioned that I totally suck at cleaning? I can keep the cats fed, the litter boxes scooped, the bills paid, the dishes done, but everything else is not my responsibility. And there's very little Hay claims responsibility for as well, so that leaves the cats to do vacuuming and sweeping and dusting and surface cleaning and and and. The cats? Very lazy.

I forgot to mention the bats! While we were sitting outside in the bug tent waiting for the fireworks that never were to be we kept seeing bats swooping around in front of us. Beautiful. I love bats.**** We're going to put up a bat house now to attract them to sleep near the pine tree. Yay. :)



*Or maybe that's just a rumor.

**Not all republicans are awful, but these republicans encouraged "4 more years" of a dim-witted monkey and his sinister organ grinder in office to happen.

***I only had 3/4 of one beer because the night before I drank 3 and my kidneys are delicate. :)

****You know I love all animals, but bats are adorable.

Shhhhh

Don't tell anyone, but while I'm waiting for company to arrive I'm working.

(Yes, I know.)

Humpy

I really like having Wednesdays off. I think I'm going to take them off from now on. I'm not going to tell work about it, I'm just going to not show up on Wednesdays and see what happens. I think this is my best plan yet!

I am behind in reading blogs, so I only just got to read Dawg's post from yesterday. I didn't realize I needed to heal, but when I read it I could feel that I was starting to. No other blogger has made me cry so much, and I am glad to be able to be there for a friend, even if not physically.



Love you, Dawg. ((((HUG))))

backstabby holiday wishes

HAPPY DAY MY FAMILY REVOLTED AGAINST MY HOMELAND, EVERYONE! :)

Don't get too drunk. Or light yourself on fire. Or anyone else. And make sure to wear bug spray.

cheese grater

Note to self: Perhaps wiser to have someone else grate the cheese for the pizza when you've had an entire beer on an empty stomach, ya lightweight.

Is everyone else drunk already? Meeeee toooo now.

Just a little bit off the sides...

Whenever I proofread printed text for colleagues I always need to leave a little note at the very end telling them that, even though all of the pages have a severe amount of edits and red marks and complete paragraph rewrite symbols and lots of suggestions for better ways to convey terms or concepts, they really did a pretty great job the first time when they wrote it. Now just write it how I want you to write it. :D

kicky

I really enjoy giving my office door a little karate kick when I've pulled it shut with my hand but it doesn't quite sound like it closed all the way...

Actually, I just like kicking things. Hmm. :)

Repeated daily

"No. No. NO. Do not bother your sister. She is sleeping."

"STOP SCRATCHING THE COUCH! THE SCRATCHING POST IS RIGHT. THERE.!!!!"

"Stop smelling your sister's ass."

"Stop eating your sister's food."

"Get OFF the screen! I know bugs/birds are fun but you're gonna break through and hurt yourself."

"Why are you crying?"

...

"You are so adorable."

"Do you want me to scratch your belly?"

"Do you want me to scratch your ears?"

"Do you wanna type something?"

"Are you gonna get that birdie? Are you gonna bite that birdie's HEAD off?! Huh, are ya!?"

"[Any one of the three girls' names goes here], you're in charge today while we're gone."

quickie

TV: You won't believe what pirates will do.
Poppy: I BELIEVE WHAT PIRATES WILL DO. PIRATES ARE BAAAA-YAD.
Hay: *laughs*

Open letter to perhaps my supervisor

Ya know, when I said I was going to take a PHP class a few years back and you told me not to I'm guessing that was a mistake because here we are again needing me to know PHP for the (I dunno, millionth?) time and I don't know it.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
Sigh.


(No, I am not trying to get anyone to help me, I am just venting.)

Note to self

Watch the porn videos Avi shares with the world when you're at home. Don't leave them open and then forget about them and stumble onto them while you're at your desk trying to get work done.

(It's the one you gave to BPR because she wanted to see a chick with a dick.)


You'd think I would have learned from the last time I was in a similar predicament, but I didn't.

pace yourself, little man!

Monday is going by too quickly.

Take the gator bait

Mr. Fab is single-handedly responsible for Sculpey sweeping through the blogosphere. Many bloggers are now quietly crafting their own Sculpey scenes to show their praise of Fab. Except Heather, who is an Ohio State Buckeyes fan but received Florida Gators gear from Fab for her 25th 32nd birthday:



It makes me swoon when Heather flips us off, even if she's only directing it at Fab. Her retaliation was swift, just, in Sculpey form, and so hilarious I needed to share:




It's gator bites. Yaaah, girl. He won't mess with you from now on! (Which means he totally will. Bring on the Sculpey Wars!)

There's something ... fishy ... about Mark Ruffalo

Does anybody else get the vibe from him that he's somehow a really bad man? I keep expecting to see a headline that he snares 12-year-old girls and cuts them up into bite-sized chunks.

Back to the movie...

A reason to watch the classics

I just watched Jeanette Lee drop the 9-ball on the break in the 10th rack of the 1999 WPBA Classic Tour finals against Allison Fisher, bumping her lead to 6 racks to 4. This is why I love The Black Widow.

She smoked her 7th rack as well and won the 1999 championship.

In my next life I'm going to be a pro billiards player, dammit.

all bills are not equal

Why is it that if I forget to pay the trash people and they send a past due notice I freak out and apologize all over the statement and send them extra months of payment in addition to last month and this month, but if the phone company sends me a past due notice I say, "deserved, fuckers"?

You've got fan mail!!!!!

I just got my first piece of fan mail! And it made me realize, how come I don't get more of that? You all should be emailing me how much you love my blog. Shouldn't you? Okay, maybe not.

Thanks, Dan. :)

Happy Canada Day, boypren and green bee! (And all my peeps I will totally be texting too early on a Sunday, "oops".)

I love Happy Slip*. I mean, like a lot. I'm kinda... stalking that site. I started watching Christine's videos while waiting to listen to Fab and Tug do their radio show last Sunday (during which I was accused of giving blow jobs instead of calling in, but what can you do...) and it was that stalk-at-first-site sensation. So, you're coming into this whole Happy Slip thing late, but when Kevin starts serenading Mini I lose it laughing because it totally reminds me of the Chinese BSB serenades which I LOVE.

So, yah, talking about it too much. Here's the video from Happy Slip/Christine, entitled "boypren":


And now for Chinese BSB (aka Back Dorm Boys):



(I may have just yelled at Hay, "STOP INTERRUPTING MY CHINESE BACKSTREET BOYS TIME!" while I rewatched that video. May have. Maybe. Yup. I need my Wei Wei time, k? I know he's wearing a headband in that video and headbands are not cool, but he's not always wearing a headband. Duuuuh. Anyway, my yelling is cute.)


This week's Sunday Garden Party contains bugs because flowers + bugs = high quality entertainment. Just look at this fine specimen:



Green bee! Again! I swear he's a superhero. Rest of the 36-photo set is over at flickr.

Please note that next week's set will be a super colossal SGP because Hay, his parents, and I will be going on our yearly garden tour and I will be taking 400+ photos. I won't show you 400+ photos, but it'll be a lot.


To my girls and boy au Canada, HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!!!!!




*In case you're thinking to yourself, "what exactly is a happy slip?" Christine has explained on her about page.