a simple request

Please do not tell me who won Top Chef. I have to wait for the episode to be available via iTunes and those bastards are slow about delivering. siiiiiigh-whine-moan

Amy Sedaris might have one too

My guest post about pretty kitties is up at Avi's. Please enjoy.

For those of you too scared to go there I'll scare you with some of my favorite girl from afar, Amy Sedaris, and then you'll go running to Avi's just because it's safer there.

Part 1 of Amy on Martha Stewart - Li'l Smoky Cheese Balls


Part 2 of Amy on Martha Stewart - Li'l Smoky Cheese Balls



Isn't she great? :)

An office spoiler party confessional grinning extravaganza because I like long titles, keep it comin', hi.

Michael hit Meredith with his car, which I almost did to someone who came out of nowhere yesterday. Luckily I didn't actually hit her.

I'm only part way into the episode because I'M WATCHING IT ONLINE AT NBC.COM, WOOT FOR THEM CHANGING TO FULL EPISODES!!!, but I'm entirely convinced Kevin's right about Jam. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D (did I mention :D ?)

Oh, and Dwight totally killed Angela's cat. Honestly, it was a mercy killing. I'm not yet sure if we learn how he did it, but ... I'm just thinking of quality of life and how hard it was to keep my girl going when she was that sick. It sucks bags of gooey pus. (Yum! Hope you weren't eating!)

Update: ZOMG JAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul Potts redux redux redux redux

So, I have the Paul Potts album (yeeeeeeeeeeeee) and I am listening to it and it is making me a smiley. And it makes me think, "really?!" in response to all of you who don't see it my way. How about this video instead? Does this video tug at your heartstrings? Or are you DEAD INSIDE? :




Please. Please. Implore you to actually hear what I hear.

career in the making

Look, everyone! Paul Potts made his album!

For those who don't recall, Paul won Britain's Got Talent with his wonderful voice. :) The winning performance, in case you'd like to watch it again:

Hi!

So, I'm in better spirits today. There won't be more explanation on the blog about that last post, sorry to "disappoint" anyone.

Yesterday I went to a company picnic during a tornado warning and had fantastic steak on the grill! Also got the biggest hug ever, unprompted, by Break Boy's son. I love his kids so much. They are so sweet and mischievous at the very same time. And his daughter looked sooooo adorable in her pigtails while she fell over backwards and giggled and babbled to me.

After picnic I came home to a power outage, a forced break from the eWorld. I appreciated the break, watched a movie on my laptop and took a little quiet time to just sit on my bed and think in the dark. I love the dark now that it doesn't scare me. I was afraid of it until January. Isn't that weird? No longer scared of it, now love it.

Used the generator for a bit of time to microwave some dinner and watch the finale of SYTYCD. Congrats to Sabra! Apparently I know how to call 'em. Was glad to see everyone back who could be back, but the sparkle was gone from many of the other performers' eyes (most noticeably Pasha's and Sara's). Danny's original partner (whose name I can't remember) was the best of the non-final 4. She is a true entertainer.

After this the power came back on but I was tired so went to the bedroom to do some more reflecting. I enjoy the silence, Depeche Mode-inspired or not. ;) Listened to some Justin Timberlake on repeat and enjoyed life.

The only thing missing: Kitties. They were all busy elsewhere, no time for Mama. S'okay, they're always in my heart.

sytycd finale prediction

Loved the Mia Michaels performance between Neil and Danny last night.

I think Sabra might win? Not sure... If a guy wins I really hope it's Neil. I now understand Danny better from his personal piece, but it's too little too late. His coldness throughout the entire competition has turned me off to the idea of him deserving to win. I really wish they'd done this piece at the start of the competition so I had time to get used to the reasons why he's such a standoffish ass.

If Lacey wins I probably won't watch next year. Too many Schwimmers.

do not take this as a sign of proliferation

Mandy Patinkin left Criminal Minds (abruptly) so Joe Mantegna is filling the gap.

When I first saw the headline I was thinking Joe Montana... the football player... ehhhhm... Yah. And then I saw the visual and I'm okay.

Joe Mantegna: (He's bringing sexy back.)

Joe Montana: (Sexy never left him.)

Big diff.

A tribute to my girl crush

I'm sad Sara Von Gillern got kicked off SYTYCD but it's not for her lack of talent or for her lack of smokin' hotedness as the best b-girl around.

For her farewell I give you her best two performances.

Disco:


Solo:


Yummmmmmmmmmmm.


Update: Since no one can see when I link off to stuff because dark blue and black look similar when the font is small I have BOLDED the link to b-girl. I don't expect everyone to know what a b-girl is because you didn't grow up in my world. So, if you were wondering what a b-girl is please just click the word b-girl above. But not here, because I'm too lazy to link it here. :P ;)

Update 2: wHall explains that I misinterpreted his unfortunately worded comment, and he did actually use my link to learn about b-girls. It's fascinating stuff! I probably wouldn't know anything about them if Karalee hadn't danced with the boys on that flattened cardboard in the middle school cafeteria. She was such a badass...

One more reason to love Survivorman

The Sun reports:

SURVIVAL expert Bear Grylls faked a bear attack by getting a colleague to dress up as one in fancy dress, it was claimed yeterday.

The star of TV's Born Survivor [US title: Man vs. Wild] was filmed creeping out of a tent in a bear-infested forest, nervously looking at a shadow moving a few yards away.

Back inside shelter Grylls, 33, says: “It might well have moved away, but sure as hell it knows I’m here.”

But an adviser for the Discovery Channel documentary, shown on Channel 4 last year, claimed the sinister shadow was a fake.

Ron Hood said programme makers asked him to find a bear suit when plans to hire a tame grizzly for the shot fell through.

Mr Hood added: “They decided they wanted to somehow dramatise the attack on the shelter.”

A Discovery spokesman insisted that the pantomime outfit was hired as a prank by the crew — and no footage which included the bear costume was broadcast.

Last week it emerged Grylls does not sleep rough in the woods during episodes of Born Survivor but instead stays in hotels.

Thanks to Pat for alerting me. He and I are hardcore Les Stroud/Survivorman fans and think Bear deserves whatever horrible fallout he gets from all this fakery. Why have a pretend survival show? Oh yah, because everyone loves Survivor (Jeff Probst). I've seen probably one whole episode of that and know it's more real than Man vs. Wild.

in which fauxmicah admits to being from MA

On Top Chef: Watch What Happens all three seasons of contestants come together to answer fan questions.

A fan calls out Micah for her yearbook pics on the web. She admits she's American, that she grew up in Massachusetts, that her dad is South African, that she eats Stroganoff and Hungarian Goulash, all with her South African accent. ... Fauxmicah.

RW, do you believe me now?

Further "proof" from a sibling over at Amuse Biatch:

ABSOLUTELY FAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trust me, I grew up in the same house as her, she is my younger sister!

Our father is from Cape Town, South Africa, and we have been there. But we were all born and raised in Massachusetts, but we absolutely don't have the typical pak the cah accent, but neither our younger brother or me sound like Micah.

All our family and friends have no clue where she invented this from.

Ciao
[redacted], nee Edelstein

I can't confirm that person is really her sister, but let's trust that the person is who she says she is. Anyone else on the planet seems more trustworthy than fauxmicah right now.

sYTYCd real-time blogging

Top 10.

Shane's choreography is amazing. That mechanical spider thing at the start of the routine blew my fucking mind. Pasha annoys the fucking piss out of me when he's not dancing because he is so immature, but I think he and Lauren did a fucking incredible job with the hip hop. Best Russian hip hop dancer? Meh, but still very good. It's his sharp movements and checking in with his partner without making it seem like he's just trying to see what comes next that is so amazing about his dancing.

Jaimie's rendition of Wade's peace-not-war solo is doing nothing for me. Nothing at all. I'm looking forward to the other dancers doing the exact same routine so I can see if it's Wade's solo I'm not connecting with or if it's Jaimie. Wade's choreography is generally quirky hotness. Hmm.

Dominic doing the solo. Ahhhh... I get it now. Yup, Jaimie was just bad at it. Dominic's version connected me. Now I'm curious if it's the aggressive or the fact that he's a man, while Jaimie was delicate and ... feminine.

Kameron and Sabra are paired up for contemporary. Not my favorite style, and Amazing Grace is a song I always feel like I'm supposed to be moved by but never am. Those two strikes against don't stop me from enjoying their performance. Oooh, nice spinny kick, Kam! I wish Sabra didn't have to keep showing her undies. Not a fan of seeing the undies when dancers are dancing, too distracting. I agree with Nigel that Sabra connected with the piece but Kam didn't, and it felt like they were dancing solo next to each other.

Sarah's solo. She's a bgirl so she has the aggressive movements needed, and incredible facial expressions. Best solo so far, best interpretation.

Pasha's solo. Wow, so much different than the other interpreations. So much more fluid, and tender without the aggression. He may have finally hit the correct interpretation of this peace-not-war thing. His emotion is spot on. (But he still annoys the shit out of me. It's the "I'm a good boy, right?" look. Be confident, man.)

Lacey and the kiss of death Danny are paired up. Lacey is a sex kitten and Danny calls her out on it in the interview. They are dancing the samba, and their extensions and lines are very clean. I read: Danny is disconnected from Lacey while she tries to pull him into her world. He is resistant to her feminine whiles, which isn't a good thing for a samba. Ooh, but he knows how to griiiiiiiiiind (by himself). Thanks to hot Dmitri from last season for choreographing. I totally disagree with Nigel, I think it was Lacey connecting with Danny while Danny didn't try. Nigel said the 100% opposite. Mary and Mia got it right.

Lauren's solo -- great extension! Wow, I cannot believe how high she gets up in the air! K, this is my favorite version. Hands down. So glad she didn't get kicked off the show last week.

Neil's solo is boring for me, except when he does the jumpkick.

Sabra's turn ath the solo, and WOW she does a powerful scream. I've decided I don't like it when they all perform the same solo. It gets dull. Love Sabra, but... I'm over the solo.

Ooops, hi Kam. His solo is sloppy and the extensions are fumbly. He looks like he's in a mosh pit. It's not supposed to look like he's in a mosh pit.

Jaimie and Dominic couple up for the Viennese waltz with Spanish flair. Jaimie just isn't doing anything for me. Hmm. Let's hope this resolves for next week but Dom is still around. Nigel saying Dominic overcharacterized was not true for me. Nigel, the reason you weren't focused on Jaimie is because she was boring. Ugh, Mary! You too? It was Jaimie who sucked!! Mia brings the sense, her bluntness focusing on the technique is what makes me warm up to the idea that anything wrong happened with Dominic.

Lacey's solo. Someone was (not heckling, but being very loud) and threw her off during a big portion of the performance. I didn't enjoy anything about her solo.

Danny has clean lines for the solo but does not connect emotion to the piece.

Sarah and Neil do disco. Have I ever mentioned I love disco? Sad, but true. Oh, this performance is hot, and Sarah does incredible movements. My bgirl knows how to clean up! I'm sure these two wouldn't mind being paired up every week. Incredible...

Hmm, I think Sarah is suddenly my favorite. Sexy with awesome technique, and HUGE THIGHS. YAR. :)


Ending on a euphoric note. Kick off Jaimie and Danny, SVP.

giggles

Sunday, July 22: I wrote this post yesterday when PPP was being a bitchy bitch. It is still relevant.

I was looking for the "dance for your life footage" for Hok on the last results show of SYTYCD and instead I found this video:



I giggled and drooled through the whole thing. Hok and Dominic must be friends because Dominic's in a lot of candid shots with him.

Still can't find the video I'm looking for.

zomghok

If the SYTYCD judges get rid of Hok they're stupid in the BAD way.

That solo was fucking AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I so cannot wait to post video of that.

Edit: Stupid judges.

a little bit

I would really like to borrow Lacey's outfit.

You know, just to wear in the back yard and to cheerleading practices.

That just shouldn't be possible.

Who falls 16 stories down and LIVES?!

The guy on Miami Ink asking for a cross with angel wings tattoo, that's who!

What. The.

She was an American girl *

RW, I need you to chime in here at your earliest convenience please. And B?

In tonight's Top Chef episode Micah Edelstein says:
"I'm from South Africa. I've never eaten fried chicken. It's just not something that interests me in the slightest. Chicken a la King? I don't even know what that is... My reaction to American comfort food: Uuuuuuhhh!"

Would you like to say that again, Faux-Micah from Bridgewater, Massachusetts? RW, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, but now she's just a LIAR.



*Thank you to Tom Petty for my post title.

Suck on this, Rachael.

Rachael Ray has manhands.

Big, meat hooky hands.

Keep in mind that black is slimming and that she's a tiny thing.

Also keep in mind that she does a lot of chopping and tearing of food with her bare manhands.

I used to like her before she became the 30-Minute Oprah. I really wish she'd stop invading my snack crackers, iced coffee, knives, pans, and television.



See? Total invasion.

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!!!

Is anybody else watching the newest snow myths episode of Mythbusters?

Oh, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!!

They are using a pig tongue to test licking a flagpole*. I'm trying to be calm but it's not working out. The tongue has stitches in it and it's ripping off the pole. All I can do is chant ew over and over again in a voice similar to that of the lady who was stomping grapes and fell down and bruised her ribs and just kept howling and howling and howling. And if you don't know what I'm talking about:



I will not ever post footage of the Mythbusters pig tongue. *vomit*


My eyes are moist with disgust.



*If anyone doesn't know what inspires the flagpole test, it's definitely A Christmas Story:

This could be considered a fetish. Technically.

Dear Bravo,

I want you to keep producing new episode after new episode of Top Chef so that I am never left without a new one to watch. I offer nothing in return. Thank you.

Kisses,
~Popparella


PS - I wanna dry hump Tom and Padma. But, really just their eyes. And that's probably gross. Is that gross? Yah... Although, not grosser than some of the food on that show.