Two days ago I was putting on my jacket in the hallway to the garage and whacked my hand into the moulding around the bathroom door. I happened to hit the moulding with my wedding band which proceeded to smash its way into my hand. I now have a bruise. I also have a bruise on the same arm's wrist about two inches below where my thumb connects to my hand. That bruise in combination with the other bruise could very well be mistaken for someone grabbing me roughly. I have no idea where this second bruise came from, probably from me while I was having a nightmare? I took pictures, but the pictures didn't show the bruising, flash on or flash off. In person they're quite noticeable.
Whenever I have bruises on my body I have an irrational fear that others will think that Hay is abusing me. He has never touched me with malicious intent. Ever. But, for some reason I am conditioned by society to think that any pattern bruising is a clear sign of abuse so I try to keep my bruises covered. If anyone asks me about my bruises I feel guilt and fear when I explain the truth, because I'm absolutely certain the person asking will not believe the truth and will assume their own truth that Hay is some sort of monster.
I promise to all of blogland, Hay is not the cause of my bruising. It's me being clumsy or absent-minded or just having a regular accident. I know this is more of my issue, my perception of what the world thinks of me, but somehow I still feel the need to explain myself. I've actually never been physically abused. I've pushed buttons so hard that I expected to be hit by the men in my life, but they always have the common sense not to touch.
*I searched the web to find out the history of this phrase and could not locate one. If it is an offensive idiom, please drop me a comment to let me know. My only intention is to express that sometimes a situation has the simplest explanation.
+Misfit pointed me to a link that explained the "spade is just a spade" history which pointed out that the phrase is actually a mistranslation of the word skaphe (a basin, bowl, or boat; a sundial) as a spade (a digging implement). Sooo, I've changed the title to reflect the originally intended word which makes me feel better about people not misinterpretting my post.
5 comments:
In college, I took a couple semesters of Tae Kwon Do. I bruise very easily, so I spent those semesters just covered in bruises---mostly on the arms (from blocking) and stomach and legs (from kicks). My boyfriend used to worry that people would think that he was beating me.
I told him not to worry---that everyone knew that I could kick his #$$.
Gee, I wonder why that relationship didn't last?
Once, just after my wedding, my cat got a wild hair and ran across my face while I was sleeping. She cut my bottom lip open, which then bruised and I looked like I had been punched i the face.
I went to work the next morning (and get this, I worked at Planned Parenthood!) and one of the nurses asked me what happened. I told her (and seriously, could I have *made* that up??). She looked at me and said, "If there's something going on at home, you know you can tell us."
I snorted at her and walked away. That kind of response doesn't even deserve an explanation. If I had really been abused, I probably would have called in sick!
Oh, and I found this, which seems to say that it's not offensive. My first thought when I read it was that it sounded a lot like that old Freud axiom, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
http://www.wordwizard.com/ch_forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2414
I know what you mean. I'm such a klutz, and get bruises I have no idea where they came from. And DH has never laid a hand on me!
One time I was trying to replace my car antenna, which had broken and made a sharp edge, and I caught my forearm on it and scratched it pretty bad lengthwise. I've always heard that if you really want to off yourself by slitting your wrists, you cut yourself lengthwise instead of across. I had to explain to people that I didn't try to kill myself, I just scratched myself on my car antenna.
Fun. I don't know why we should have to explain ourselves. I understand people are concerned, but in my opinion, the only people allowed to butt in are your parents and close friends. Co-workers and strangers should keep their mouths shut!!
by covering it up, you further show those signs (of a battered wife!)
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