stacked

Take that Mrs. Chicken!

No eggs? No problem! Not only did I not have to use an egg, but there was no need to cook this dessert. In addition to the water that is called for I did take a knife to a Nestlé swiss milk chocolate bar I bought in Canada to make shavings for the top.

b k00l

My mother is the oldest of five. She is between 15 and 20 years older than the youngest of her siblings, my uncle. He married late in life and has one son and one daughter. The boy, my cousin, is turning 10 this month. Hay and I are going to my uncle's house for Thanksgiving which is serving also as my cousin's birthday.

I haven't been 10 in a long time. I'm really out of touch with what kids think is cool these days, but somehow I came up with the idea to buy him digital walkie-talkie watches with 4 different color covers.


My hope is that my cousin will enjoy these enough to share a watch with a family member or perhaps a friend from school and they can play spy games or find each other in stores or...well, there are so many applications.

For those of you who have kids - is this a good gift? Be honest, not necessary to lie. I'm giving the gift to him no matter, I just want to be prepared for it to be thrown to the wayside while he goes nuts for Doom 60 or a new iPod cellphone.

Not meant to be

We only bought a half dozen eggs at the grocery store earlier this week. I used two for a dessert for company, Hay used three for a salad topping, and one egg was stuck to the carton so broke open when Hay tried to pull it out for making the hardboiled eggs. Cede household egg count: 0. My plans for making my cookies are foiled again. Drat.

Unexpected

Last night I had grandiose plans of waking up early to plant the rest of our bulbs and cut back more of the perennials so that they can grow back happily and healthily next year. My body had a different plan. It wanted to sleep until 10am today. It wanted to ache and hurt and burn. It wanted to have a sinus headache. It wanted me to feel dehydrated despite my drinking 8+ glasses of water yesterday. It wanted to basically keep me stuck on the couch all day. :)

Modified plan for today: make my favorite oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies for Hay (but a few for me too ;), review the Christmas gift "sicheeation" to see who we still need to shop for, drink my ice water and read The Apothecary Rose or Running with Scissors (whichever I'm in the mood to read) while lounging in the tub, locate all of the bulbs for planting, and if my body wants to cooperate then I will plant said bulbs and cut back the front bed plants, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Nothing says "I love you" like a replacement fleece

A few winters ago Hay's employer bought all employees and their spouses LL Bean fleeces. Hay and I grabbed matching black fleeces from the ginormous pile. We've worn them proudly ever since.

Last weekend Hay mistakenly grabbed my fleece then did some projects around the house involving spray foam. The fleece is now ruined. I was super disappointed because not only did he ruin my fleece, but he ruined our ability to walk down the street together in cute matching fleeces. I said my peace about it then dropped the issue.

Today Hay asked me what size fleece I wear then told me he wanted to buy me a replacement fleece.



I was so excited about this, how thoughtful of him to make the situation "right" again, and now he has a fleece for home projects! I have an LL Bean credit card which qualifies me for free regular shipping and I had a $10 coupon from purchases made with the credit card, so I ordered the fleece myself and it's actually a different color (Ultramarine), but it's really the thought that counts and his intention to buy me a new fleece was pure and noble. Thanks, Hay. :}

A very tasteless but topical joke

From popbitch:

Doctor says to patient: "I have some bad news about
the bird flu you have caught."

Patient: "Oh, no. What is it doc?"

Doc says: "It's unTweetable."

Reflection

Today is a bit of a somber day. My co-workers and I always do a toast to Roger every second Friday of each month. Today Bdogg and I toasted Roger via instant message, and the toast is self-serve so people are trickling into my office to do the toast, look at the wall of Roger, and talk about him.

How did that happen?!

I don't know what came over me! In the span of 5 minutes I ate a shortbread cookie, a chocolate chip cookie, a caramel-filled chocolate Ghirardelli square, and several handfuls of Goobers. Ugh! Way to go, Champ...way . to . go.

Giants - The Samples

as I woke this morning
the sun gone without warning
giants without hearts were coming closer
walking through the river
I could only stand and shiver
in an abyss where life once was

our world is getting smaller
while their walls grow taller
spider monkeys cling to falling
trees as the water rises higher
ten thousand years
shall drown

I'm so tired of running away
I think I'll put on my war paint
and take a stand where others
have before
giants without hearts
are coming closer

Worst-Case Scenarios tip of the week

more survival tips online

the gift

At some point I confessed to Bdogg that I enjoy murder mystery and that I am also fascinated with the seedy side of Medieval times so she secretly sent me a gift.



I am starting with The Apothecary Rose. I have set aside Patricia Cornwell's book for now.

orchids

Are you all rich? C'mon, seriously, you can tell me.

It seems like almost all the bloggers I read obsessively have exciting tales to tell during the work week that don't involve work. Is it because you're all back to school after taking years off, independently wealthy, lottery winners, unemployed, domestic deities, or witches à la Bewitched who just wiggle your noses and *bam* you have a house and car and every basic necessity without paying for all of it?

I myself must work every weekday, sometimes on weekends, and can only dream of the simple pleasure of lazing in bed until 10am, or having lunch from 11am-3pm with my friends or family, or sitting down to a marathon session of my favorite television show on DVD. I'm slightly jealous, but moreso curious about how I too can obtain more free time to do what I really want to do in life. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job, but if I had the practical choice to take it or leave it, I'd leave it and go philanthropize, travel the world meeting all of you, eat long lunches, and drink fountain soda with Kris. (Happy birthday, Kris!)

I'm migrating my Mac today so I won't be around much. I leave you with this compelling photo:



A bientôt...

Chains of love

Today I got my braces adjusted, which at this visit included the installation of chains. I don't exactly know how to describe chains other than to say that they're supposed to remove the spaces between my teeth that I was just getting used to having after years of my teeth being so tight together that I could barely floss them. My teeth are a bit tender, good thing I had melt-in-your-mouth pot roast for dinner. :)

Do you know what I said to the scheduling receptionist about my chains? "I just got my winter tires on my teeth!" She laughed, but I think it was out of courtesy rather than genuine amusement.

Confusion

JoJo looks hot in this photo:


(Photo credit: Yeeeah!)
...but she's only 14. I really shouldn't be thinking about how hot a 14-year-old girl looks. (I love that top, I wish I had it. I love pink. :)

It's November 9th?!

In one of my offices I have 6 calendars. I'm not exaggerating, I just counted and there are 6. Today I looked up to figure out what day of the week a certain date fell on and realized that the little kitty calendar above my desk was set to November, but all the rest were still set for October. I quickly stood up and rushed around to all of them to flip the page and re-tack them into place, hoping to hide the embarrassment of my unobservance. I wonder if anyone who was in my office for a meeting this morning happened to notice that all my calendars but one were wrong. It shall plague me for the rest of today, then I'll have a nice 8-hour Codeine nap and I won't remember any longer.

How did November get so far into itself already?

Google meme

Borrowed from the talented melissa.in.london: Google "your name needs" and post your favorite ten results.

Unfortunately my real name yields much more hilarious results than Poppy does, but here's to your name producing 10 laughs a minute. Also, I'm doing it all wrong. I just took the top 10 results and posted them, then reread the directions and realized I was supposed to sift through the results to find my favorites. Please, if you borrow the meme, take the time to do it "correctly". :)

Poppy's results:
1. Hedgehog "Poppy" needs a home
2. Jack: Your poppy needs you
2b. Your Poppy Needs You
3. poppy needs tesla ; poppy needs force
4. Poppy needs a working internet connection
5. BUY POPPY PODS FOR ALL YOUR POPPY NEEDS.
6. Poppy needs just a small piece of land with not too much water.
7. An Unidentified strain of poppy. Needs to be examined – Have you got what it takes?
8. Poppy needs A grade, Sorry :cry:.
9. Poppy Needs Your Prayers (Poppy is doing well, in case you're interested)
10. In the spring poppy needs a lot of water during its growing phase.

And, in honor of one of my favorite snacks:
11. Color up some popcorn fun! Poppy needs your help to bring these pictures to life! Simply click on a picture of Poppy, print out the coloring sheet, and create your own Pop-a-rific Poppy!

"I think that moose needs an intervention."

From Dave's Daily (an AP story):

Two Drunken Moose Invade Home for Elderly

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - They rarely have problems with drunks or rowdy animals, but residents of an elderly home in southern Sweden had to deal with both when a pair of intoxicated moose invaded the premises.

The moose - a cow and her calf - had become drunk over the weekend by eating fermented apples they found outside the home in Sibbhult, southern Sweden, said Anna Karlsson, who works there.

Police managed to scare them off once, but the large mammals returned to get more of the tempting fruits. This time the moose were drunk and aggressive, forcing police to send for a hunter with a dog to make them leave.

Police did not pursue the culprits, but made sure all apples were picked up from the area, local police chief Bengt Hallberg said. No one was hurt.

How pissed off would you be if you were sitting in your room doing your morning exercises to keep your circulation going when a moose charges in and assaults you with her fermented apple breath and gigantic stompy hooves?!

Sometimes a skaphe is just a skaphe*+

Two days ago I was putting on my jacket in the hallway to the garage and whacked my hand into the moulding around the bathroom door. I happened to hit the moulding with my wedding band which proceeded to smash its way into my hand. I now have a bruise. I also have a bruise on the same arm's wrist about two inches below where my thumb connects to my hand. That bruise in combination with the other bruise could very well be mistaken for someone grabbing me roughly. I have no idea where this second bruise came from, probably from me while I was having a nightmare? I took pictures, but the pictures didn't show the bruising, flash on or flash off. In person they're quite noticeable.

Whenever I have bruises on my body I have an irrational fear that others will think that Hay is abusing me. He has never touched me with malicious intent. Ever. But, for some reason I am conditioned by society to think that any pattern bruising is a clear sign of abuse so I try to keep my bruises covered. If anyone asks me about my bruises I feel guilt and fear when I explain the truth, because I'm absolutely certain the person asking will not believe the truth and will assume their own truth that Hay is some sort of monster.

I promise to all of blogland, Hay is not the cause of my bruising. It's me being clumsy or absent-minded or just having a regular accident. I know this is more of my issue, my perception of what the world thinks of me, but somehow I still feel the need to explain myself. I've actually never been physically abused. I've pushed buttons so hard that I expected to be hit by the men in my life, but they always have the common sense not to touch.

*I searched the web to find out the history of this phrase and could not locate one. If it is an offensive idiom, please drop me a comment to let me know. My only intention is to express that sometimes a situation has the simplest explanation.

⁺Misfit pointed me to a link that explained the "spade is just a spade" history which pointed out that the phrase is actually a mistranslation of the word skaphe (a basin, bowl, or boat; a sundial) as a spade (a digging implement). Sooo, I've changed the title to reflect the originally intended word which makes me feel better about people not misinterpretting my post.

I keep getting this when I try to edit one of my posts. Also, this morning when I checked my blog the page was blank. My template wasn't empty, but I republished the index then suddenly my blog came back to life. Blogger needs a spanking.

Eww

I was just at MK's site reading a post about Madonna's new promo photos. I saw this photo:


and thought, "wow, she looks beautiful!" But, then I thought, "EWWWW! Someone's ass has been on that!" I hope they sprayed down that chair before making her touch her hand and face to it...

A BNL song I love way too much

Alternative Girlfriend

You’re in an all-girl band
Your futon’s second hand
Your parents understand but you don’t care
I have a job in a shop
I’m an undercover cop
I make sure the customers aren’t thieves
Old at being young
Young at being old
Everything’s on hold within our evolution

Chorus:
You’re my alternative girlfriend
I love you, and now you cannot pretend
There’s nothing left that won’t cross over

Last night we slept on the lawn
You woke up and I was gone
Back to the dream I dream to leave
My life with her is a bore
A worn-out metaphor
No more surprises up its sleeve
We’re old at being young
Young at being old
Everything’s been sold to other’s revolutions

Chorus

You live above your dad’s four-car garage
With your vinyl and imaginary entourage
If I pull up in a U-Haul, pack up quick
So we can get out of this town ’cause it makes me sick

Chorus

Oh, happy day!

My free panties shipped today! Arriving in 2-3 weeks. Yay, panties!

Howard's End

On the way into work today we were listening to Howard Stern and realized that Jackie and Stuttering John were on the show so it had to be an old one. Just yesterday a new episode had aired, so we chalked it up to illness or vacation. Yesterday Howard had been talking with 50 Cent about "bitches" at which point Gary came into the studio and said, "you have to stop using that word". Tom came in and told Howard that repetition of a mildly offensive term (in this case "bitches") is not permitted. Howard went into a several-minute rant about how he was just having a conversation, just joking around, and all these restrictions make him want to stop doing the program. He begged Tom to just let him go so he could start his work with Sirius radio.

Today CNN writes that Howard was suspended for one day because during the rant he expressly promoted Sirius, which he knows is a no-no. Telling the self-proclaimed "king of all media" he can't talk freely is his trigger - he becomes irrational when he is told he cannot speak freely, and during the rant he happened to promote his new programming.

Whether or not you like Howard Stern, whether or not you are offended by the term "bitch", do you not agree that our freedom of speech is slowly going down the drain? I'm sure Howard is having an awesome day off, and is using the day to do more work with Sirius. If it were not so dang expensive to purchase the hardware and the service we would buy it as our Christmas present. I'm going to really miss Howard, but not his daily battle for freedom of speech.

Yes, I really did.

I just used Microsoft Word's ruler in landscape orientation to measure my cheese so that I wouldn't cut off more than one serving to eat with my Gala apples (a favorite snack of mine thanks to Stacy!). I'm such a [insert computer person stereotype noun here].

How to survive a pirate attack

Lock and load:

Cruise ship 'used sonic weapon'

MAHE, Seychelles (AP) -- The crew of a cruise ship attacked by pirates off the coast of Somalia used a sonic weapon to help ward off the attackers, the Miami-based Seabourn Cruise Line said Monday.

Armed pirates approach the Seabourn Spirit, in a photo taken by British passenger Norman Fisher.

The device blasts earsplitting noise in a directed beam.

The Seabourn Spirit escaped Saturday's attack also by shifting to high speed and changing course, the cruise line said.

The sonic device, known as a Long Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD, is a so-called "non-lethal weapon" developed for the military after the 2000 attack on the USS Cole in Yemen as a way to keep operators of small boats from approaching U.S. warships.

Makers of the device compare its shrill tone to that of smoke detectors, only much louder.

The pirates who attacked the Seabourn Spirit grinned as they aimed grenade-launchers and machine guns at the deck and staterooms, some passengers said Monday, recounting the ordeal after safely docking in this Indian Ocean archipelago.

Here's the rest of the story. I'm going to start carrying a bullhorn in my purse for all those pirates I meet on the street, except on September 19 when I'm supposed to talk like a pirate.

Dear Jenna is Annoyed

I love Jenna, she gives the bestest advice. Here's Jenna giving me advice:

Dear Jenna:
Three years ago my husband and I first moved into our house. One day shortly after moving in we noticed that our next door neighbor was mowing our lawn. My husband confronted the neighboror about this and they had a bit of a blow-out. The entire neighborhood happened to be outside having parties and get-togethers and they all witnessed this tense situation. Ever since then we haven't really gotten along with that neighbor, even though at one point my husband apologized to the neighbor. We don't like the idea of our neighbor hating us and have considered apologizing a second time and giving him a gift to try to mend the relationship. What do you think about this? Should we bother?

Signed, Hated in the Northeast


Dear Hated-
I think mowing the lawn sucks...I would've walked out and handed him a 2o and reminded him the bushes in front needed a little attention....

Once you show people that you are an uptight prick it is very hard to change their minds....A second apology is just pathetic....Snub them when you see them and they'll start thinking you are the ones that dislike them instead of the other way around...Reverse psychology....

She is soooo wise! I'm going to tell Hay what she said in hopes that he'll stop worrying what others think of us. If we moved away we wouldn't give those neighbors another thought, so why give them thought time while we live next to them? (Don't get me wrong, I love the neighbor's wife and kids, they rock, but the Mister is a freak.)

Have a burning question you'd like to ask Jenna? Email her - it's free! Or, at least it is as of today's date. :)

The gravity of phone poles

Today on the way into work I noticed a set tire marks which led directly into a phone pole. There was nothing wrong with the phone pole save a tiny bit of wood shredding. Around the phone pole in any direction was completely level grass land, yet the person in the vehicle that made the tire marks chose to hit the phone pole.

I know it's easy to say that when you're in the moment of an accident you don't have much reaction time, but if there is green grass all around the pole, do we instead assume it's safer to hit the pole so that we will stop instead of taking our chances in the grass which might actually be a ditch, or might allow us to continue moving because the slickness of the grass does not allow sufficient friction for stopping and the vehicle then ends up hitting a person or a house or some other inanimate object? Are phone poles our safety nets?

I've never personally hit a phone pole, but have seen the results of a few phone pole run-ins and always wonder if perhaps the person was suicidal. Every time I see someone hit a phone pole in a movie the person is either dead or seriously banged up, so I somehow conclude that in real life no one would intentionally choose to hit a phone pole during an accident situation. But, then I think about the safety net idea and I become confused.

Anyone have a feeling one way or the other: safety net or suicide tool?

Put down your pencils. No, wait! Pick them up! Okay, now put them down.

Bearette made a quiz. I took the quiz and failed miserably, but I thought it'd be fun to make my own quiz, soooooo...

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

I don't have any prizes to give away, just the prize of you knowing about me. :)

The best invention since sliced bread

Thank you, Stacy. I can't even begin to count up all the calories and grams of fat I won't be ingesting because you introduced me to this product.

Oldboy

Hay and I watched Oldboy* last night. It was surprisingly one of the best movies we've seen in a long time.


Min-sik Choi as Oh Dae-su

It's quite violent and the plot twist is kinda yicky and there is cruelty to an octopus that could not be fake. (I'm abso-smurfly certain that when Oh Dae-su throws punches he's connecting with the body of his opponents.) If you're okay with knowing that you will witness all of these things then I say go ahead and check it out. An American remake is in the works, but don't even dare to think it will be as good as the original - we just don't do movies in such a realistic way.

*Note at IMDb that a Korean has described the film as shameful and not representative of Korea. The same can be said about many other movies which, if used to portray "everyday life" in that particular country, would bring shame to the country's people. I don't doubt that Korean life is not correctly depicted in this movie, but I do appreciate the movie nonetheless. The movie is based on a Japanese Manga, and you definitely get the sense that you're watching a comic book come to life when you watch the film.

"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of our Lives" (cue music)

I was just visiting a client to help with some minor problems on her Mac. At the end of our visit she received a phone call from a colleague who told her that his grandmother had just killed herself. From my side of the conversation it was obvious someone had died, but when she told me that the person had committed suicide my hands flew up to my face and a high-pitched gasp escaped my lips. I scurried out of there muttering condolences. Eek.

On the way back to my office I found a perfectly functional camera tripod sitting in the trash. I scavenged it. I'm pretty psyched to get this item for free since we're on a spending freeze. This will make my July 4 fireworks photos come out much better.

So, how's your day? Hope just the good and no bad, but that's probably not realistic.

Oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies à la Poppy

Ingredients:
1 + 3/4 c flour, unsifted
3/4 t baking soda
1/4 t salt
1 stick butter, softened
1/2 c granulated sugar
1/2 c firmly packed brown sugar
1 egg
1 t vanilla
1/2 package Baker's Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chunks
3/4 to 1 c oatmeal

Directions:
1. Heat oven to 375 degrees F.

2. Mix flour, baking soda, and salt in a medium bowl; set aside.

3. Beat butter and both sugars in a large bowl with an electric mixer on low to medium speed until light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla; beat well.

4. Gradually beat flour mixture into wet mixture. Stir in chocolate chunks and oatmeal.

5. Drop dough by heaping tablespoons (approximately 2" round balls) onto ungreased cookie sheets.

6. Bake 7 minutes, then keep an eye on the cookies until they look lightly golden, then remove to stove top. Allow to cool 1 minute then move directly to cookie racks to cool completely.

Eat warm cookies for the gooey effect. Refrigerate cookies after they are cool for the YUMMA effect. Best with an ice cold glass of skim milk.

I can't show you a photo because we don't have eggs in the house. My cookie plans are foiled again by eggs. Damn you, perishables!

Pizza!

Yesterday I made pizza from absolute scratch, pardoning the canned pizza sauce, milking the animals who produced the cheese, or going to the factory to create the pepperoni from spices and scary meat byproducts. For some reason I didn't think to take any photos of the dough being made in the bread maker, but the recipe I used is super simple.

After the crust was made we chose to only make one 16" pizza crust instead of the two 12" pies. I preheated the oven to 400 degrees F, oiled our pizza pan with extra virgin olive oil, floured the dough a bit to make it palpable, then spun it out into a crust and topped it with more olive oil and Italian seasonings. I forked the crust so it wouldn't produce air bubbles then baked it in the preheated oven for 10 minutes. While baking the crust I shredded extra sharp cheddar cheese and drained and halved pineapple chunks. I sliced a sweet onion into paper-thin pieces and pepperoni into 1/8"-thick chunks then sauteed both in cooking spray. Once the crust was cooked for 10 minutes I topped canned sauce on the crust using a spoon, then piled on cheddar cheese, basil and sundried tomato feta, and pineapple. Then I added the onion and pepperoni mix to the top and put the pie in the oven. I baked the pizza for 12 minutes at 400 then 3 minutes at 350. Some of the pepperoni pieces got a little charred, but I love charred so it was all good to me.



The pizza was the perfect blend of sweet and salty. Our only criticism was that the crust was too thick, and was amlost like a Bisquick crust. It was crunchy at the very edges because of the olive oil I added to the pan before placing the dough down. Next time we will divide the dough and make two separate pies rather than doing a half and half gigantic pizza.

If you care to, take a tour of the pizza as it was being made post-dough to pre-plate.

"Bring out your dead!"

Sunday's set is a tribute to nature as it goes dormant for a few months. The set is of dead stuff (except the lady bugs, holly, and peach tree), but dead stuff can be pretty, too!



See? Pretty!

How You Live Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Thanks, P'nut! Hmm, not sure how I feel about the survey results. At least I'm in good company?

Pas la même chose

Borrowed from Kim who snagged it from Snav:

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
Uh, no.


2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
They're real if I took them. I can't speak for the images I borrow from others. Oh, and that one I created to show my highlights when we were pretending that I got them instead of staying home because of the stomach flu.


3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks e-mail you?
No...


4. Do you lie in your blog?
I lied once, but that was when I was doing the two truths and a lie meme question.


5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
I don't think so. Am I?


6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
No, I imagine what life would be like if I stopped blogging, and I'm just not ready for that.


7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
I am not currently in therapy. My blog and my blog friends are my therapy.


8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I delete mean comments if they are completely unconstructive. I don't fake comments! Que la f?!


9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog?
No, but I don't have the necessary tool with which to rub one out.


10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
I'm guessing less. Sorry, but I'm much more dynamic in electronic form.


11. Do you have a job?
Yep.


12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
That would probably completely ruin the fun of blogging, so I'll take a pass on that.


13. Which bloggers do you want to meet in real life?
The cool kids.


14. Which bloggers have you made out with?
AFAIK, none.


15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
I do like to say I'm rich so that people won't worry if I spend money on them.


16. Does your family read your blog?
Nuh uh, although Hay admitted that he read the comment section of the post where I declared that he would henceforth be known as Hay.


17. How old is your blog?
11 months as of tomorrow. (That January 1 playground rules place holder doesn't count.)


18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
No, not even close. I think it's about quality, not quantity...


19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
Yes to depressed, no to slutty or liar. Sometimes I also blog about happy stuff at the secret blog.


20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
Yes, I gave money to TJ for Blogathon 2005, which was for a charitable cause. I've never just handed over cash.


21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
I don't earn any money, and I'd feel weird if I did.


22. Is blogging narcissistic?
I think so, and I feel shame for that.


23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
Yes, more than guilty.


24. Do you like John Mayer?
No.


25. Do you have enemies?
Not that I know of, but maybe one of the exes secretly stalks me and wishes me ill will?


26. Are you lonely?
Sometimes.


27. Why bother?
Hey, what else I got goin' on?!

My face feels like a baby's bottom!

I've been using these every day for the last week:

cream cleanser in the AM	foaming scrub in the PM

...and my face feels sooooo soft. I love the smell of the foaming scrub, and I love the feel of both (soft cream in the shower, scrubby abrasive bits at the vanity). I'm no J.Love but I really am enjoying these products. The only reason I started using them is because I suddenly became allergic to my previous product. I do that - become allergic to soaps/cleansers and have to switch for a while. Now I can't even remember what I had been using before last week. Weird...

I could buy a lot of clothes if I'd just cash in...

My blog is worth enough for me to take a few months off and eat bon-bons all day:

My blog is worth $61,534.86.
How much is your blog worth?

Kris said her blog was worth $0, which I find very hard to believe, so I calculated it myself and her blog is actually worth:

My blog is worth $80,164.68.
How much is your blog worth?

Kris, time for a vacation anywhere in the world you wanna go! Well, after you find a buyer for your blog...

Subtle

Before the highlights:


During the highlights:


After the highlights:






A bit on the tame side. I think it looks great, although I was expecting more of a change. Oh well, next time.

What do I want for Christmas?

My family always asks for a list of what I want for Christmas. If I say "nothing" they get agitated. If I give a short list of exactly what I want they are mad that I'll know what they're getting me. If I give them a really long list they are happy and stop bugging me.

So far on my list:

• Me & Emma by Elizabeth Flock
  
• Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell

I love music, clothes, books about murder (fiction or non), horror movies (campy or serious), anything with a kitty on it (within reason), board games (although Hay never plays them unless company's over), and silly gifts (but not crude, no whoopee cushions or exploding gum). Ideas?

Update: Thanks to everyone who gave me ideas! You rock! More, please! Also, on the way home I realized I forgot to credit AnonymousCoworker for the Christmas gift list idea. Thanks, ACW! :)

Sooooooo

Who wants to come over and help me and Hay plant a bunch of flower bulbs?



I think there's only about 50 or 100. We'll give you Halloween candy and a stay in our guest room in exchange for your services. Only catch is we can't afford your airfare. :)

Update: Hay and I planted the bulbs this morning (11/5). Took about half an hour. I guess we didn't really need any help, but it would have been fun to have the company. :)

What are we, in the stoneD age?!

Mayor: Cut thumbs off graffiti 'punks'

RENO, Nevada (AP) -- The mayor of Las Vegas has suggested that people who deface freeways with graffiti should have their thumbs cut off on television.

"In the old days in France, they had beheadings of people who commit heinous crimes," Mayor Oscar Goodman said Wednesday on the TV show "Nevada Newsmakers."

Goodman said the city has a beautiful highway landscaping project and "these punks come along and deface it."

"I'm saying maybe you put them on TV and cut off a thumb," the mayor said. "That may be the right thing to do."

Goodman also suggested whippings should be brought back for children who get into trouble.

Another panelist on the show, state university system regent Howard Rosenberg, said cutting off the thumbs of taggers won't solve the problem and Goodman should "use his head for something other than a hat rack."

Source: CNN.

Envy me.

I'm eating chocolate cream pie with real pie crust* for lunch. Real whipped cream made from scratch*. Real chocolate filling made from scratch*. I'm not even taking a picture of it, I'm just eating it.

*No, I didn't make the pie. I boughted it.

Confession

Ashlee Simpson's tongue freaks me out.

Photo cred: Yeeeah!

I'm sorry to any of you who have really long tongues, but I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't do weird things involving showing me their full length. I'm just too delicate.

Countdown has recommenced

In exactly 24 hours I will begin receiving my highlights from my fantastic hair stylist. I promise to repost my before picture and post an after shot so that you can compare the results. :)

Le réveil

Bonjour mes ananas! Bonjour mes petits choux! Ca va?

An evening with the Cedes

Shhh, don't tell my orthodontist!

Not only am I having a lollipop which is a no-no for Braces Girl, but it has gum in the center. I am sooooo in trouble if anyone finds out.

Blue mail

Okay, which one of you sent me a Tiffany & Co. catalog?



If someone's looking to buy me some Tiffany's jewelry, I'll take everything on page 39. :D

Global did you know?

Did you know:

• ...there was a terrorist attack of 3 separate bombs detonating in a marketplace in New Delhi on October 29? (Here's another link with a picture.)
  
• ...a pack of youths has been rioting in Paris for the last 7 nights?
  
• ...30 people were killed in riots in Ethiopia?
  
• ...hundreds of thousands of Pakistanis and Indians are still without aid after the earthquake which killed 73,000+ people? (An estimated 3.3 million people are homeless as the result of that quake.)
  

I feel so out of touch with the rest of the world. All I've heard this week is that Scooter and Karl are bad little boys.

Pizza

I love pizza topped with pepperoni, onions, and/or garlic. I can eat pizza every day of my life if I have to. The only time that pizza sounds like not such a good idea is when tacos or mac and cheese or steak dinners are offered to me instead, or when I have the stomach flu.

What do you like on your pizza?

Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy season 2

MK has informed me that TS:MYNM premieres tonight at 9pm on Fox!



Yippy! I loved last season, can't wait for another stellar crazy meltdown every week. I hope they changed the twist at the end so that this season the families won't know what to expect!

Ugh!

My co-worker who tweets like a bird just embarrasses me sometimes. A bunch of other colleagues were walking by when she launched into a loud and long impression of the Swedish chef. I wanted to yell "cut it the hell out, act like a grown-up for crissakes!" but instead I just pursed my lips into a fake smile and held my breath until she finished. As we were about to go our separate ways she launched into the impression again and I rolled my eyes and walked away. No more Swedish chef impressions in the workplace! If she wants to do an impression of Beaker that's an entirely different matter...

Lunchbox

Apparently James Frey's lunchbox already sold, but Sarah Vowell's lunchbox is still on the market.



Go bid! All proceeds go to FoodBank NY and The Lunchbox Fund.

MadLib

I'm totally stealing this from baby jewels hates you because she rocks the socks outta the box.

Word for word:
You tell me how the Fair went
Let's play MadLibs. Okay, I need:

1. noun
2. adverb
3. liquid
4. animal
5. noun - plural
6. holiday
7. type of person [as in someone belonging to a group of people]
8. food
9. battery operated gadget
10. emotion/feeling
11. verb ending in "ing"
12. adverb ending in "ly"
13. body part
14. noun
15. word for money
16. adjective

C'mon. Write them down. Don't peek. Bonus points for creativity and inappropriateness.



Look - I [meaning baby jewels, not Poppy] have a new avatar. It's my fav vintage french poster. Oh La La. But don't get distracted. Got your answers? Okay then...

Okay, plug them in, copy and paste in your comments.

Well, the Fall Fair went off without a [1]. Every family participated in someway, whether it was showing up [2] hungover, or creating baked goods laced with enough [3] to slow a [4]. The craft items were the standard fare of crocheted [5], [6] ornaments and handmade [7] clothes. Our raffle items ranged from the exotic [8] maker to a questionable in usage [9]. Every prize was won with [10]. Everyone was [11] down our hotdogs and pizza and guzzled our [12] made coffee. The children enjoyed games of skill, [13] painting and [14] decorating. While we didn't make as much [15] as we hoped, it was certainly more than could have been generated by selling cookie dough. All-in-all we had a [16] event.

So, back to Poppy: Do the MadLibs, tell me your results in the comments section or email me if you pref-er.

5

equals the number of times it took me just now to correctly alphabetize the links in my Blogs I just recently added section. It also equals the number of times I republished my index in between realizations of my stupidity.

Who wrote it?

Guess which crooked politician penned this bit of child erotica:

At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest.

I'll reveal my source when someone gets it right.

Update: Well, it's not so fun when everyone just googles it and when it's obvious. (How the hell was I supposed to know that "Scooter Libby" and "child erotica" were synonymous?!) Anyway, my source was Moxie who got it from Shakespeare's Sister.

Terror alert: green

Stand down your weapons, I didn't have any nightmares last night. Apparently just acknowledging them and spooning with Hay has solved the problem. Or, was it watching Fever Pitch and The Office before bedtime?

Fiery Skipper

We finally purchased frames so that Fiery Skipper could be with her friends. Thanks again, Mim!

Dream analysis

From the Dream Moods Dictionary:

Slave
To dream that you are a slave, suggests that you are not taking charge of your own life.

Slavery
To dream about slavery, indicates that you re not utilizing your power. You are putting power in another's hand and allowing them to make choices and decide for you. Alternatively, you are experiencing a lack of autonomy and independence.

Tidal Wave
To see a tidal wave in your dream, represents an overwhelming emotional issue that demands attention. You may have been keeping your feelings and negative emotions bottled up inside.

Violated
To feel or dream that you have been violated, represents feelings of being oppressed by others or by situations in your life. You feel that you cannot change the path that your life is taking on. Try not to blame yourself for circumstances that are beyond your control.

Violence
To see violence in your dream, indicates unexpressed anger or rage. You need more discipline in your life. The dream may also reflect repressed memories of child abuse.

Or, they could just be dreams that mean absolutely nothing.

Porn in June

So, as I mentioned before, I was bored. I started surfing for my pseudonym around the internets^* and found that my June 2005 archive is linked on a porn site that has something to do with someone named Ashley Robbins and some rope. Anyway, I'm not gonna link it because it's really not appropriate, but why the hell did they choose me? What porn is on my site? Have I ever even posted a dirty pic? Hmm, I may have an idea of why. Damn the internets!


^*Totally ripped from Stacy**.
^**...who stole it from George W. Sigh, George gets to say all the cool stuff!

Night terrors

Back in March I took Vicodin for a while for my back injury, but in the night I would have night terrors and would kick around violently in my sleep. Since about May I've been taking Tylenol with Codeine at bedtime. Last night and the night before I had such incredibly horrible nightmares that I woke myself up from both so that I wouldn't die in my dream. I'm wondering if it's the Tylenol with Codeine that has suddenly caused problems, or if it's stress related (I don't feel like I'm stressed but my bp was 161/96 before my injection yesterday), or if I'm eating something funny too late at night, or if I'm just having a nightmare week.

Yesterday's dream involved me and Hay in our car trying to outdrive a tsunami tidal wave, but we took a wrong turn and were lifted up on top of the wave. I could smell the blue water as the car began to sink and knew we were about to die then I woke up.

This morning's 3:00am dream did not involve Hay. I was a brunette dressed in a short shirt and underwear outfit and was the slave of a gang of really bad men who used and abused their women. Somehow I had become more useful to them than the other girls and was considered the leader's girl, so I was treated with more respect than the others. The other girls were completely expendable so they were basically raped whenever the guys felt like it, ordered to do really demeaning stuff, smacked around, beaten, or killed. I woke up when something happened that made me think I was about to be killed and I found that my right foot was actually pressed against Hay's back while he slept on his side facing away from me and I slept on my side facing away from him. I went back to sleep and continued this nightmare until again I felt that I personally was in danger so woke up.

I'd rather not have any more of these dreams. I'm glad that I'm waking up before the really bad stuff happens, but when I wake up I'm terrified so my heart is beating really super fast. It's just not good for me.

Boudreaux has his own site!!

I present to you Mr. Boudreaux Ettienne, the furry kiddo of Ms. Tiger Lilly. He totally deserves his own site. Yay!

I'm bored.

Correction: Stacy and I are both bored. Could someone please entertain us? Pretty please?

James "Fry"?!

So, all this time I assumed two things about James Frey:

• His voice had a badass undertone to it, being that he was a heavy smoker, alcoholic, and drug addict
  
• His last name was pronounced "Fray"

Neither of these is true. Damn you, Oprah.

Dick replaces Johnson vs. Gamecocks

Oregano found this article which was originally titled what you see above but was then retitled by one of the editors to be Untested freshman gets nod vs. Gamecocks after realizing that the original title was just way too phallic. Unfortunately there is no screen shot of the original title and I can't seem to find a cached version. Just trust us on this one. :)

15, 35

15 trick-or-treaters, 35 leftover treat bags. C'est la vie, lots of candy for me and Hay. :)