Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Just ew.

(You're gonna hafta click that because I am not posting it here.)

(one of the) worst cat parent(s) ever

Posted at PostSecret this week. Frank actually named the image "pleasedonotsendmeemailaboutthisonethanks.jpg" but I'm pretty sure he's getting lots of mail about it anyway.

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!!!

Is anybody else watching the newest snow myths episode of Mythbusters?

Oh, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!!

They are using a pig tongue to test licking a flagpole*. I'm trying to be calm but it's not working out. The tongue has stitches in it and it's ripping off the pole. All I can do is chant ew over and over again in a voice similar to that of the lady who was stomping grapes and fell down and bruised her ribs and just kept howling and howling and howling. And if you don't know what I'm talking about:



I will not ever post footage of the Mythbusters pig tongue. *vomit*


My eyes are moist with disgust.



*If anyone doesn't know what inspires the flagpole test, it's definitely A Christmas Story:

A countain (which is a mixture of, I think, countdown and fountain, although I have no idea why)

And it now occurs to me that I mixed countdown with contain, which makes more sense -- a contained countdown. Yes, yes, what I meant all along.

So, what we've learned today, friends, is that (Mel, sweetie, are you paying attention?):

1. It's time to move far, far away from the next door relations.
2. I have a new fetish.
3. When I say dirty things on video they sound cute instead of dirty.
4. I don't like being kissed by anyone but hot boys who I invite to kiss me. And perhaps the occasional hot girl when I'm intoxicated. But NOT my relations and not random people.
5. Bees can have lime green heads.
6. Siamese cats can look stupid but act smart.
7. It'd be easier if I used ordered list code here but I'm not.
8. If you tell one of your relations that he's acting angry he will then proceed to epiphany in front of your very eyes and you'll have to patiently wait and smile while he works through it.
9. I don't actually like pie, I just like to say I do.
10. I can't wait to tell someone in particular about one of these items because I'm curious what that person will say.
11. Poppy is a Cylon reborn as Poppet for those residing in parts of Canada and a particular cheese-producing state where there are tornado warnings. For everyone else I am still Poppy.
12. I have a lot of friends. Like, a lot. Like, at least two. Maybe 100. (Is 100 a lot?) I could name them all but then I'd have to kill you.
13. When you're muttering to yourself at the dinner table in front of your family someone is bound to notice and ask you what you're saying so you better have an answer prepared.
14. I really enjoy listing things because crossing things off is fun. This isn't that kind of list, however.
15. I take too many pictures.

I would appreciate your insight into this matter. And by this matter I mean any of it.

Topical Sun

Topic 1
I have absolutely nooooooo strategy whatsoever when it comes to games other than card games. If you have one ounce of strategy and we go head to head at, say, Stratego, you're winning. I know why. It's because I prefer not to know how things are going to end. I like the surprise of it all.

If I'm in a meeting or in the middle of a sticky business problem I have oodles of strategy, oodles of brainstorming ability, walk myself right out of the box, grab the solution, tuck it under my arm, and quietly hand it over to the group.

Sit me down in front of a Rubik's Cube, however, and I'm stuck there indefinitely. Past dinner. Past breakfast. Past my 40th birthday. Past retirement. Except if no one's looking, and then I strategize to take the stickers off and put them "where they belong". :)

This three-year-old girl has way more strategy than I'll ever dream of having, and equally impressive is that she has the dexterity of an adult.



What the hell is in her baby bottle?


Topic 2
Saturday morning I had a dream that the cylons attacked Earth. I never found out if I was a cylon but I do know that my female co-workers did not fare well in the fight. I looked up into the sky and directly above my head I saw the underbelly of the base ship through the dark storm clouds. It was beautiful. I think that means that I am, in fact, a cylon.


Topic 3


Where the good/only gay bar in town used to be? Now a different type of meat bar -- a Papa John's. (No cockroaches, Avi.)

Pointy fingers

I have no one to blame but myself that Hay woke me up at precisely 4:00am to tell me that my pager was going off, that I couldn't find said pager even though it was in my laptop case because I have it set to chirp once every 3 minutes until acknowledged, and that I couldn't get back to sleep until an hour later.

I also have no one to blame but myself that once I did finally fall back to sleep I had the very disturbing dream of my supervisor catching me having alone time with myself. (Yes, what you think I mean is what I mean.) I think I dreamed this because I missed a meeting yesterday morning when I was taking Georgie to the vet's to drop her off but ended up having an exam appointment and taking her back home. I have absolutely no conscious or subconscious interest in showing my bits to my supervisor, for the record.