There's a street on my way to work that has the following oddities:
- It's where my former employer, head and namesake of an international apparel and housewares chain, lives. I hated that employer. She's a fucking nutcase.
- It's the street where a man suspected and later convicted of sexually assaulting and murdering a local college student was found doing contracted work on someone's house.
- It's the street with the intersection where Mom and I were in the very bad car accident because the German guy ran the stop sign.
- It's the street where I had a semi-shouting match with a woman who tried to tell me how to park while I thought my dad was dying in the hospital.
It's also the street where my brother, who I love very much and think is awesome and miss a lot and never see, works. This completely makes up for all the other things.
Who falls 16 stories down and LIVES?!
The guy on Miami Ink asking for a cross with angel wings tattoo, that's who!
What. The.
When I was having cake with my co-workers on Thursday they happened to randomly mention that Anne Rice is now a fundamental Christian. That's not quite exactly what she is, but it got the point across and made me sick to my stomach that I needed to quick-hurry-up-and-edit-the-blogroll. And then I did what I normally do when I trust my brain rather than writing things down -- I forgot.
Just a moment ago I was watching Letterman and something triggered my memory of this conversation about Anne Rice. You know, this is what I get for not paying close enough attention to the world. It's not like she just resurrected her Catholicism on Tuesday. In fact it was almost 10 years ago, according to the Wik:
In 1998, after spending most of her adult life as a self-described atheist, Rice returned to her Roman Catholic faith, which she had not practiced since she was 18. In October 2005, as she reaffirmed her Catholic faith, Rice announced in a Newsweek article that she would "write only for the Lord." She called Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt, her first novel in this genre, the beginning of a trilogy that will chronicle the life of Jesus.
Time to edit the blogroll. If I can find her.
I like Jesus, he's a lot of fun at parties, but I just don't think I want to be told by Anne Rice about his life.
(Have I ever mentioned my religious non-affiliation? Yah, total heathen. Except for my Buddhist tendencies, like doing good just for the sake of doing good not coming back in my next life as a cockroach.)
While I was just on the phone with a friend (shhhhhhhhh, don't tell anyone I actually use the phone!!!) there was a pounding-on-window noise. I thought it was Hay outside trying to get me to come out to look at the neighbor cat who was camped out under the bird feeder but he ran inside and asked me what the banging was. I said I didn't know, thought it was him. I continued to speak with my friend while Hay frantically searched for the noise. Turns out some random guy had wandered into our garage, knocked on the door leading into the house, and was trying to (wait for it) sell us steak and chicken. From a truck. In 90 degree weather. Gross.
As soon as the iced coffee dove from the straw into my mouth my brain sang "NECTAR OF THE GODS". It was weird.
This morning I am looking through a binder of material on being prepared for incidents of various types. I found a multi-page document stapled together that was turned to page 9. I started reading that page and assumed the document was just a dummy exercise between law enforcement members responding to an explosion. I got two pages in and then started to wonder why this sounded so real, because usually simulations don't have that personal feel to them, and definitely not the level of detail I was being given. I flipped to page 1 and realized I was reading the dispatch transcript for the April 20, 1999 Columbine High School incident (the paper version I have is much more verbose).
I'm not sure I can continue reading this knowing what it is... Dilemma.
Three contestants tied for first place in the third round of the long-running game show:
NEW YORK - All those years of answers and questions, and it's never happened before on "Jeopardy!" What is a three-way tie, Alex?
The three contestants on the venerable game show all finished with $16,000 after each answering the final question correctly in the category, "Women of the 1930s," on Friday's show. They identified Bonnie Parker, of the famed Bonnie and Clyde crime duo, as a woman who, as a waitress, once served one of the men who shot her.
"We've had a lot of crazy things happen on `Jeopardy!' but in 23 years I've never seen anything like this before," host Alex Trebek said.
The show contacted a mathematician who calculated the odds of such a three-way tie happening — one in 25 million.
The three contestants, Jamey Kirby of Gainesville, Fla.; Anders Martinson of Union City, Calif.; and Scott Weiss of Walkersville, Md; were all declared champions and taped a rematch that will air Monday. (AP)
Might I suggest a harder final jeopardy question? :) I used to love Jeopardy as a teenager living with my mom at my grandmother's house. Grandma and I would sit in the living room with dinner plates in our laps and watch Alex be condescending to the contestants who didn't always know the answers but he did. (Alex? They're right in front of you.) Good show. Glad this happened, because Alex definitely didn't see that coming. ;)
Okay, animal lovers, I need your help: The Cede family home is located next to wetlands in the northeastern United States. We have noticed two trees in two different spots within a mile radius of our home, but next to roadways, where trees have been stripped of the front side of their bark and there are wood chips lying on the ground in front of the tree. The wood chips seem to be very similar in size, approximately 1-2" long. The tree trunk seems (glancing at it from within my car) to be undamaged, but a lot of bark is missing so those trees aren't going to survive long. The stripping starts a foot or two off the ground but then goes as high as eight or ten feet. I read online that beavers aren't good climbers. What's doing this to the trees?
I'm sorry, I don't have photos. If photos are required to identify the source I'll get them sometime soon.
So far I have heard that the following people are the daddy to Anna Nicole's baby girl:
1. Howard K. Stern
2. Larry Birkhead
3. J. Howard Marshall (the old man Anna was married to who may have left some frozen sperm behind)
4. Prince Frederic von Anhalt (the man Zsa Zsa Gabor is married to who supposedly had a decade-long affair with Anna)
5. Anna's dead son Daniel (for reals, yo... gross)
I think this is ridiculous. Let's just get the test done and over with then make an informed decision about custody. Dannielynn will already be severely messed up so anything that can lessen the damage is a good thing.
I got tagged by Pat to write a list of six things that are weird about me. Here are my six things:
1. No matter how clean you tell me your bare feet are they are DIRTY. Keep them away from me, or I might throw up on them and then you'll definitely agree that they are DIRTY.
2. If a complete stranger annoys me in any way I will mumble (quietly, obviously) about them in their presence. I'll even call them names. Yesterday I called a woman the c word* in the bathroom for not waiting until I had completely left the stall before she charged me to get into it AND for coughing on me (without covering her fucking mouth) while she charged by. She didn't hear me. I later went back into that bathroom when it was empty and I said the c word quite loudly "at" her. Deserved, à mon avis.
3. I would rather talk to animals than people.
4. I am a moral sociopath. This means that I do consider morals when weighing my decision to keep people at a safe distance or to get what I want. For example: I will offer you the smaller piece of cake rather than eating both pieces myself; I won't take your phone calls but I'll email you a reply that makes it clear you shouldn't bother calling me.
5. I love Amy Sedaris and consider her a personal role model.
6. Whenever I am out in public alone I am constantly thinking through strategies for fending off attackers. I am secretly looking forward to the day when I am attacked just so that I can practice some of these strategies, because I am a moral sociopath so I can't just attack people unprovoked! Hay and I agree that we wouldn't want to meet me in a dark alley.
I'm tagging everyone and no one. Enjoy delving into your weird side. Let me know if you do this because I want to know all the weird things about you. (Yes, I'm talking to you.)
*Censored for P'nut, who doesn't care for that word.
