/rant on

For the crystal clear record, I'm not talking about any of you. Promise.

Poppy pet peeve: People telling me they're going to do things they have no intention of doing.

Someone has been promising me since March that he'll email me about something and he still hasn't. I wouldn't care, except he keeps telling me every couple months, "oh, yup, I'm still totally going to email you!" Dude, just fucking forget it. I don't even care! What I do care about? You keep dragging this out, like I'm just sitting around waiting for your fucking email and you're some sort of really important person in my life who I can't wait to reconnect with.


I hope he does finally send an email just so that I can ignore it indefinitely. Cuz I'm a bitchy bastard like that.



/rant off

Ok, seriously... je ne suis pas amusée!!!!!!

So, say you're me. And you know it's supposed to rain today because you bothered to check the weather. And you check the radar to see if any rain is in the forecast for soon. And you see there isn't any. So you walk over to the next building to check your mail because you're kinda sorta hoping maybe someone sent you something. And you get there and it's not there. No big deal, maybe another day, (nervous laugh because maybe they forgot). And then you're walking back. And the skies are clear. But some asshat jerkface dickwad is playing with the sprinkler system. And just as you're walking by he intentionally increases the pressure of the spray. And you get all wet. And you get all grumpy. And for a moment your day is super shitty.

That's me right now.

No more.

I overheard a co-worker talking so went to CNN to check. In Dover, DE there was another university shooting incident. I am particularly disturbed by these incidents for my own reasons that most of you understand. Of course CNN needs to make their digs by comparing this to Virginia Tech as well as including a link to the report that says lives could have been saved in that incident.

Why do I read CNN? What should I be reading for my news instead? Please, I beg of you, tell me. Google News?

Well, that just pisses me right the fuck off.

You know how when I get pissed off I am not too happy, cuz, yah, that's what being pissed off is all about? I'm a little BEYOND THAT WITH BLOGGER AT THE FUCXKINGKING MOMENT.

I received a lovely comment email from Cheldear about Jesus being her favorite person and when I clicked the link to go back to MY POST to see HER COMMENT it FUCKING TOOK ME TO A FUCKING PORN SITE.

FUCKING BLOGGER CAN FUCKING KISS ITS OWN FUCKING ASS.

SENDING ME PORN IN EMAIL AND SAYING IT'S THE FAULT OF PEOPLE WITH WINDOWS COMPUTERS. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU! FIX YOUR FUCKING SHIT, YA MORONS.

What do you think was going through their heads?

My guess: "We're bored, let's torture and dehumanize a random person!"

Today is the day to ponder our ability to be compassionate instead of totally disgusting asshats.

"It's not an iPhone, it's an Altoids tin!"

Are you aware that where I live in France we cannot obtain service for the iPhone? So, we have to go to another state country and start the service then permanently use roaming minutes. Like it wasn't expensive enough to buy the fucking phone and the service plan, ya know? Fuckers. FUCK YAH, LET'S DO IT!

(That last fuck was for Crys who's absent from my life right now and I am not sure I can stand that much longer. I just like saying "fuck" in all its variations. ;)

One more reason to love Survivorman

The Sun reports:

SURVIVAL expert Bear Grylls faked a bear attack by getting a colleague to dress up as one in fancy dress, it was claimed yeterday.

The star of TV's Born Survivor [US title: Man vs. Wild] was filmed creeping out of a tent in a bear-infested forest, nervously looking at a shadow moving a few yards away.

Back inside shelter Grylls, 33, says: “It might well have moved away, but sure as hell it knows I’m here.”

But an adviser for the Discovery Channel documentary, shown on Channel 4 last year, claimed the sinister shadow was a fake.

Ron Hood said programme makers asked him to find a bear suit when plans to hire a tame grizzly for the shot fell through.

Mr Hood added: “They decided they wanted to somehow dramatise the attack on the shelter.”

A Discovery spokesman insisted that the pantomime outfit was hired as a prank by the crew — and no footage which included the bear costume was broadcast.

Last week it emerged Grylls does not sleep rough in the woods during episodes of Born Survivor but instead stays in hotels.

Thanks to Pat for alerting me. He and I are hardcore Les Stroud/Survivorman fans and think Bear deserves whatever horrible fallout he gets from all this fakery. Why have a pretend survival show? Oh yah, because everyone loves Survivor (Jeff Probst). I've seen probably one whole episode of that and know it's more real than Man vs. Wild.

a quiet rage

Not a rage, actually, but when B and I decided not to go to BlogHer in Chicago* I had no idea it meant I would miss a golden opportunity to MEET MY FAVORITEST CELEBRITY ON THE PLANET, AMY SEDARIS (one and two).



FUCK.

(Merci, Maman.)



*B and I decided not to go to BlogHer because:

a) We've never met in person before, we want our first time meeting to be all about us;
b) we would have skipped going to BlogHer and just hung out in Chicago anyway;
c) there are people at BlogHer that neither of us want to see, so why put ourselves through that?;
d) when I come to Texas to visit in October after my Orlando conference we are going to party at her house like it's 1999 and I get to meet all the kittos while we get drunk and smoke (actual) cigars and eat steak and run around the house in our underwear since her husband will be away at a festival. :D (Yes, we will make videos. No, not while in our underwear or naked.)

Who does that?

I was just chatting with "the new girl" (who is so severely awesome I can't stand it) and she was telling me that the person she is replacing (who gave 2.5 months notice, wtf) has been on the phone all day with her realtor because someone has put an offer on her house contingent upon her letting them have her dog.

Her dog.

Her dog.

Dogs? Are family.

Dogs? Are not property.

Don't give me that legal mumbo jumbo bullshit. You take an animal into your fold and you keep it. You don't sell it with the house!!!!!!!!

The New Girl told me that she left her office because she was mad that The Old Girl was on the phone with her son trying to convince him that selling his childhood dog with his childhood house was for the best.

There are no words...

(one of the) worst cat parent(s) ever

Posted at PostSecret this week. Frank actually named the image "pleasedonotsendmeemailaboutthisonethanks.jpg" but I'm pretty sure he's getting lots of mail about it anyway.

And not in a good way.

Oh sucks. Sucks, sucks, sux0r sucks. By the way? Sucks.


Why is it that everything has to be so difficult? And )expen$ive(? And no, I can't tell you what I'm talking about, but apply it to your own (personal or professional) life and I'm sure you'll empathize with me.

Two great tastes that don't taste great together!

The words "meat" and "lollipop" should never be uttered in the same sentence. I know it's a Top Chef favorite, but it truly makes me green just to hear it. Say it out loud, blogland: Meat lollipop.

So very very wrong.

Peeved

It annoys me greatly when trade books have mistakes in them.

If I may, I am going to call out a particular A+ Certification reference guide whose first prep test states:

When looking for information related to the problem, which of the following is not considered to be a good source? Choose all that apply.

A. Vendor manuals
B. Service documentation
C. Internet Web pages related to the product
D. Competitive knowledge base

My answer: D

The book's WRONG answer:

A, B, C. When looking for an answer related to a vendor's product, you might find some information on a competitor's knowledge base, but this is not typically going to be a good source of reference for you.

Contradiction.

DRM-free iTunes music. For a price.

Gone are the days of the 99 cent song. Now get DRM-free iTunes for just $1.29 per song. Yah. Huh. No. Granted, the songs are "256 kbps AAC encoding for audio quality virtually indistinguishable from the original recordings", but I can get DRM-free songs from Russia that sound just fine for 2 cents a song, so why mark up my songs 30 more cents and push me to that market?

I am finicky and you've just forced my finicky hand, Apple.

Veronica Mars left me hanging...

I promise the only spoiler is if you click that link below.

When you are ready to do so please go visit GMMR to read my feelings summed up for me.

There needs to be a reunion show... or, how about a reunion season? Or five? Yup, that sounds good.

And I'm going to go cry now... *sniffle*

A lot of crying this week.

Okay, granted, I haven't shed one actual tear but I (oh, wait, I did last night when I watched the recap episode of Work Out because they did a tribute to Doug), but anyway, back on topic:

VERONICA MARS WAS JUST CANCELLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Je suis sad. Triste even. Avi gets me hooked on the smack and now the smack has been taken from me.

Crying. Hard.

I just watched the intro to the May 10 episode of Letterman and learned that oral sex causes throat cancer.



From New Scientist:

People who have had more than five oral-sex partners in their lifetime are 250% more likely to have throat cancer than those who do not have oral sex, a new study suggests.

The researchers believe this is because oral sex may transmit human papillomavirus (HPV), the virus implicated in the majority of cervical cancers.

The new findings should encourage people to consistently use condoms during oral sex as this could protect against HPV, the team says. Other experts say that the results provide more reason for men to receive the new HPV vaccine.

I guess I know how I'm dying now, at least. Although my life line is quite long.

GDSOBBBQ

Dear neighbor kid with your stupid fucking go kart,

Stop driving it up and down the street. If you do not stop I will come outside with a dozen eggs and throw them at you as you pass by.

FUCKING A, I MEAN IT.

Kisses,
~Poppy

"Damn nuns"

I was visiting one of my favorite clients this morning for what she told me were problems with her backup device. Turns out there were no problems, she just wanted to chat.

In this chat I found out that she was sent to Catholic school at which "the damn nuns" drove her insane, she was raised by her mom who worked all the time so she was actually raised by her village, she's going to start latch-hooking, and ("oh, by the way, did I tell you") she has been told that her last day at work will be June 30 and then she needs to pack up her shit and go. Luckily her husband has acquired another job which starts in September. They'll move back to Illinois (from whence they came, although originally they're from Italy and Mexico) and she will stare at corn and soybeans in order to obtain inspiration for her new work as a painter, sculptor, photographer, and jewelry maker. She will leave science behind. Because science is a passion of hers but the grant writing process is no longer her friend, has made her quite bitter in fact, and she refuses to do it ever again. I don't blame her. I've written exactly two grants in my lifetime. I got one, felt elated; didn't get the other, felt crushed. I also support a bunch of people who write grants and cross their fingers that they get funding but rarely do. Who wants that? I don't want that. I couldn't handle that.

I will go to her house for a farewell party and then we'll promise to keep in touch but won't. And she'll be added to the pile of people who burned brightly in my life for a little while and then just faded away.

This day. This day... If I hadn't already cried in the shower I'd probably have some tears to shed. Those tears were for no good reason at the time but now I understand they were premonition tears.

WTF?!

I have been following the story of a man who (allegedly, sigh) raped two teenage girls in his "dungeon" over at A Feast of Crumbs. Today Joefish posted a follow-up that the man was acquitted.

...
...
...
...
...
...

My brain just imploded.