poke me with a stick

When I went to the cafe Manager Peggy asked me how I was doing. I pointed down to my coffee and simply stated, "need this" (as in, I am not a functioning human being yet and coffee will resolve that). She gave me a smile then told me my coffee was free. I heart Peggy. I promised to drink it and come back later to be nice to her, but she said I'm always nice to her so don't worry about it. Did I mention I heart Peggy?

When I arrived to my office someone had placed my partner in crime's baby shower card on my desk mid-circulation. As in, only half the people in the office had received the card before it was returned to me. Let's back up. I'm organizing the baby shower. I'm the one circulating the card. My name is nowhere listed in the circulation list except at the very bottom, and I give to you verbatim from the Excel file, where it says:

Return to Poppy's [upstairs] mailbox after everyone has checked off their names OR by Tuesday, October 16 (whichever comes first).

Am I not making myself clear? I then emailed the entire office to say:

Which ASSHAT can't follow directions and/or is passive-aggressive enough to UNLOCK MY DOOR AND STICK THE CARD ON MY DESK while HALF THE NAMES HAVE YET TO BE CHECKED OFF THE CIRC LIST?!

Well, in my head I did that, anyway... Still plenty of time left in the day!

/rant on

For the crystal clear record, I'm not talking about any of you. Promise.

Poppy pet peeve: People telling me they're going to do things they have no intention of doing.

Someone has been promising me since March that he'll email me about something and he still hasn't. I wouldn't care, except he keeps telling me every couple months, "oh, yup, I'm still totally going to email you!" Dude, just fucking forget it. I don't even care! What I do care about? You keep dragging this out, like I'm just sitting around waiting for your fucking email and you're some sort of really important person in my life who I can't wait to reconnect with.


I hope he does finally send an email just so that I can ignore it indefinitely. Cuz I'm a bitchy bastard like that.



/rant off

Well, that just pisses me right the fuck off.

You know how when I get pissed off I am not too happy, cuz, yah, that's what being pissed off is all about? I'm a little BEYOND THAT WITH BLOGGER AT THE FUCXKINGKING MOMENT.

I received a lovely comment email from Cheldear about Jesus being her favorite person and when I clicked the link to go back to MY POST to see HER COMMENT it FUCKING TOOK ME TO A FUCKING PORN SITE.

FUCKING BLOGGER CAN FUCKING KISS ITS OWN FUCKING ASS.

SENDING ME PORN IN EMAIL AND SAYING IT'S THE FAULT OF PEOPLE WITH WINDOWS COMPUTERS. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU! FIX YOUR FUCKING SHIT, YA MORONS.

Serious question

Anyone know how to uninstall JRE? On Mac OS X?

It's not a function of the installer, and I don't see it in the package contents. If I rip out the J2SE 5.0 folder and delete the plist files the damn thing still works. wtF? It's like fucking MALWARE.

Open letter to perhaps my supervisor

Ya know, when I said I was going to take a PHP class a few years back and you told me not to I'm guessing that was a mistake because here we are again needing me to know PHP for the (I dunno, millionth?) time and I don't know it.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
Sigh.


(No, I am not trying to get anyone to help me, I am just venting.)

STOP COUGHING!

You are annoying the PISS out of me. Onto your chair if you don't stop.

Avert your gaze unless you're my neighbor who is related to me

Dear Neighbor-Who-Is-Related-to-Me,

We just had dinner with you two weeks ago and we were invaded by Mom ALL of last week. Forgive me if I am not absolutely THRILLED by the idea that you want to have a debriefing session dinner with us where you can ask what is none of your business ("how's your mom? did she ask about me? does she like her car? I had a dream about her! [GOOD FOR YOU] what did you do with her? how's your mom? [repeat]").

And how about you try remembering how often you actually do see us instead of bitching and complaining about how you never see us at all? YOU SEE US PLENTY. MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE ON THE FUCKING* PLANET. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE FOR TWO FUCKING* SECONDS. IT'S SUMMER AND I'M FUCKING* BUSY.

K, BAI.

~ Poppy



*Those were for Avi since he seems to think I say "fuck" a lot.

Peeved

It annoys me greatly when trade books have mistakes in them.

If I may, I am going to call out a particular A+ Certification reference guide whose first prep test states:

When looking for information related to the problem, which of the following is not considered to be a good source? Choose all that apply.

A. Vendor manuals
B. Service documentation
C. Internet Web pages related to the product
D. Competitive knowledge base

My answer: D

The book's WRONG answer:

A, B, C. When looking for an answer related to a vendor's product, you might find some information on a competitor's knowledge base, but this is not typically going to be a good source of reference for you.

Contradiction.

Poppy is annoyed.

Warning: If there ever were a TMI disclaimer to be handed out, this would be the post that deserved it. You have been warned. Have a great day!


Today after a vendor meeting my former officemate walked with me from our meeting back to his former office (still my office) to hint-hint about his wife being hormonal lately.

KEEP IN MIND THAT this is the former officemate who:

1. Is my partner in crime, so we are TIGHT, at least at work. (Not outside of work. Nope. No. Compartmentalized relationship. Thank you.) He is one of my most favoritest work friends and I am one of his because I give him candy.
2. Is hot as all hell so I died a little the day he told me he was marrying his wife.
3. TOLD ME HE WAS NEVER, EVER, NEVER EVER NEVER EVER HAVING CHILDRENS. EVER.

I was shocked when he told me his wife is pregnant, and he could definitely tell. I didn't know what to say, even asked him if it was his baby (yup), asked him if he was sure she was pregnant (yup). I eeked out a "congratulations" after he finished telling me about his super hawt unprotected sexcapades but I assure you if he never mentions him and his wife having sex, protected or not, again it will STILL BE TOO SOON. No more talking about sex with Poppy!!!!!!! (I just mean that he can't talk about his sex life with me. If you wanna talk about your sex life with me and you are at least 21 years of age I'll gladly grab a fountain soda and a bowl of buttered popcorn and be right over!)

Another one bites the dust.

Poppy peeves

People who put vanity plates on their car that say "RUT ROH".

Postal. (aka "The softer side of Poppy.")

Hi. Allow me to preface: I predominantly work with men or really dedicated-to-their-careers women. I want to make it clear that I do like women just fine. I promise I do. A lot of my favoritest bloggers are women, I even have real life friends who are women, and a lot of the people who influence my every day life personally and professionally are women. So, I'm not talking about you or them.

Who I am talking about are those women who I am not friends with* who show up in my doorway or in the general hallway, blocking the exit, then proceed to: complain REALLY LOUDLY about work; talk about their kids, their pets, their husbands, their gardens, their frilly-girly-shit; ask "does my hair look okay?", "oh, that's a cute outfit, where'd you get it?!", "did you hear what happened to Susie today??"; and all that other freakin' bullshit the busy bee ladies like to talk about.

We're at work. Could we perhaps FOCUS for two secs and discuss... oh, I dunno... work? At least could you get the fuck out of my doorway so that I don't have to use my "DEFENSIVE" stance on you? Because that's going to scare the crap out of you and then I'll become the gossip fodder. And I don't much care for being gossiped about. I know I'm all business, I know you're the problem, and I know that I'm choosing business over you. Smarts a bit to hear that, doesn't it?

And when I'm about to go get my burrito because I'm so fucking starving I'm about to gnaw my hand off is not the time to stop me to talk for half an hour about any of the above verboten topics.

Don't include me in your fun time and I won't include you in mine. (Trust me, you don't want in on my fun time, busy bees. My fun time will melt your little brains.)



*If you're my friend then you already know I'm multi-tasking on about 10 things at once and you won't mind that I'm listening but emailing, IMing, writing various documents, testing out technology, scheduling myself or a group for the millionth meeting (I'm really good at it, so I choose to do it), reading some technical something-or-other, or telling you to hold on a sec so I can make a business phone call unless you say, "[Poppy], I need to talk to you about something and I need your undivided attention." Because you deserve my undivided attention. The busy bees? They do not.