Showing posts with label in the news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label in the news. Show all posts

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Oh, that CNN

This made me laugh:

Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2007 13:48:02 -0400
From: CNN Breaking News
Reply-To: newseditor@MAIL.CNN.COM
To: TEXTBREAKINGNEWS@CNNIMAIL12.CNN.COM
Subject: CNN Breaking News

-- A Minnesota judge has rejected Sen. Larry Craig's bid to withdraw his guilty plea stemming from a men's room sex sting arrest.


Both because he is getting what he deserves and because CNN's definition of breaking news amuses me.

Pat, I did visit Yahoo news and then I totally forgot about it. Oops.

Friday, September 21, 2007

No more.

I overheard a co-worker talking so went to CNN to check. In Dover, DE there was another university shooting incident. I am particularly disturbed by these incidents for my own reasons that most of you understand. Of course CNN needs to make their digs by comparing this to Virginia Tech as well as including a link to the report that says lives could have been saved in that incident.

Why do I read CNN? What should I be reading for my news instead? Please, I beg of you, tell me. Google News?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Life getting away from me...

I had every intention of posting earlier in the day, but the day just slipped out from under my fingers.

I didn't feel well this morning so I stayed home and basically did absolutely nothing productive outside the e-world aside from feed the girls and do laundry. Very exciting! And it's suddenly past time to feed the girls again so I'm gonna go do that. Since I have nothing interesting to post about me, allow me to post something interesting about someone else:

Putin dissolves government


MOSCOW - President Vladimir Putin on Wednesday replaced his long-serving prime minister with an obscure Cabinet official — a surprise move that could put him in the running to succeed Putin in next year’s presidential election.

The nomination of Viktor Zubkov, who currently oversees the government’s fight against money laundering, appeared to have caught much of the Russian political elite off-guard.

Putin had been expected to announce in December whom he would back to run for president next year — and Russia’s two first deputy prime ministers — former Defense Minister Sergei Ivanov and gas giant Gazprom board chairman Dmitry Medvedev — were widely considered to be the leading contenders. (rest of story)


Raise your hand if Russia (ok, the USSR) scared the absolute shit out of you as a kid. *hand raised*

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Bush sees forest through trees

Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2007 15:53:02 -0400
From: CNN Breaking News
Reply-To: newseditor@MAIL.CNN.COM
To: TEXTBREAKINGNEWS@CNNIMAIL12.CNN.COM
Subject: CNN Breaking News

-- President Bush will announce this week plans to cut U.S. troops in Iraq by about 30,000 -- to pre-'surge' levels -- by next summer, a senior administration
official confirms to CNN.


That's interesting.

I'm proudest of my tree analogy in the title.

What do you think was going through their heads?

My guess: "We're bored, let's torture and dehumanize a random person!"

Today is the day to ponder our ability to be compassionate instead of totally disgusting asshats.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Are you just trying to piss us off?

(Mel, sweetie, avert your eyes. This one's not nice.)



Full rtardedness over at CNN.

We were briefed for an entire day after this incident by our chief of police. We are working on implementing an alert system since we have so many buildings and it's difficult to reach everyone at once.

It's not like you just expect some kid to go fucking mental and start shooting, wander off, then wander back. We can plan for it now because it's happened. And really we're just planning for what we think might happen, not what we know will happen "next time". But, in the moment the administration thought they were doing the right thing. Sometimes we're wrong. We're fallible. We just are. It's because humans are not as predictable as we all hope each other will be, especially when a human is off his (or her) fucking rocker.

So, allow us to learn the lessons that are actually helpful to learn from this tragedy and not just point the finger and walk away with a repeat of history.

(To the one person who is going to argue this was not a tragedy, definition: a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair. It was that, Sir. It was that.)


Wednesday, August 29, 2007

astronauts are NOT drunk!

Following up When good space ladies go bad:

An internal NASA review found no evidence to back up last month's report that astronauts have been allowed to fly drunk, NASA sources told CNN on Tuesday.

The agency ordered the review after an independent panel reported anecdotal evidence of intoxicated astronauts flying aircraft and spacecraft. The review, by NASA's Office of Safety and Mission Assurance, is to be released Wednesday.

The NASA Astronaut Health Care System Review Committee in July reported two alleged cases in which astronauts were so drunk that flight surgeons or other astronauts raised concerns over flight safety. The astronauts in question were still allowed to fly, the panel said.

The independent panel's report offered no specifics about the drinking episodes and said no attempt was made to confirm information given in interviews.

It was convened to look into NASA's medical and psychological screening process after the arrest of former astronaut Lisa Nowak. She is accused of assaulting a romantic rival in February.

Nowak has pleaded not guilty to the charges.

Following the committee's report, NASA adopted an interim policy saying astronauts are not qualified for flight if they consume alcohol within 12 hours of launch and ordered the review.

The report from the committee said, "Interviews with both flight surgeons and astronauts identified some episodes of heavy use of alcohol by astronauts in the immediate preflight period, which has led to flight safety concerns."

The committee said in another section of the report that it did not provide the space agency with names.

The NASA sources told CNN that Wednesday's report also does not name anyone. (CNN)


Wearing a diaper in the car doesn't mean you're drunk. Just sayin'.


Monday, August 27, 2007

Attorney General Gonzales removed from post somehow

Pat informs me that Gonzales either quit or was fired. (CNN says he resigned, but I kinda don't trust that they ever know what they're talking about.)

Happy fucking day.


Update: ACW loves me for my zombie brains. Or something. Better link here.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

do not take this as a sign of proliferation

Mandy Patinkin left Criminal Minds (abruptly) so Joe Mantegna is filling the gap.

When I first saw the headline I was thinking Joe Montana... the football player... ehhhhm... Yah. And then I saw the visual and I'm okay.

Joe Mantegna:

(He's bringing sexy back.)
Joe Montana:

(Sexy never left him.)


Big diff.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Two more things Bob Allen could have told the police instead of being racist

Apparently in Florida the state representatives don't know what penises in mouths mean.

As completely ripped off from John Oliver of The Daily Show:

1. I have tonsillitis and I thought that man's penis was a flashlight.

2. I'm bulimic but I hate shoving my finger down my throat.



I sound like a muppet, I'm laughing so hard.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Ohhhh, this makes me laugh my head off

From slashdot:
"Consumer-advocate blog Consumerist ran a sting operation to catch a Best Buy Geek Squad member searching for and stealing media files from a customer's computer. The article includes the story with screen captures and a video of the technician's actions. From that piece: 'Reached for comment, Geek Squad CEO Robert Stephens expressed desire to launch an internal investigation and said, "If this is true, it's an isolated incident and grounds for termination of the Agent involved." This is not just an isolated incident, according to reports from Geek Squad insiders alleging that Geek Squad techs are stealing porn, images, and music from customer's computers in California, Texas, New Jersey, Virginia and elsewhere. Our sources say that some Geek Squad locations have a common computer set up where everyone dumps their plunder to share with the other technicians.' A related story from a former Geek Squad employee details the decline of the Geek Squad and Best Buy ethics in general."

CAUGHT WITH THE PORN. Oops, my caps lock key was stuck on. Hmm.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

"Is that a flashlight in your mouth or are you just happy to see me?"

Hay sent me this story:

Firefighters flush kitten from storm drain


PARKERSBURG, West Virginia (AP) -- It took two fire trucks, five firefighters, several animal rescuers and about 250 gallons of water to rescue a 2-pound kitten.

Animal control officers tried coaxing the gray tabby out of a storm sewer drain with encouraging words and food Monday before giving up after about an hour and a half.

Firefighters tried banging tools on one end of the pipe and flashing lights Monday night in hopes of driving the kitten out the other end -- but that didn't work either.

It wasn't until firefighters flushed about 250 gallons of water through the 10- to 12-inch pipe -- enough to wet the kitten's paws -- and the feline rushed into the hands of Firefighter Kevin Siers, who was standing inside a manhole.

"We had about an hour and a half of fun," Siers said Tuesday. "Everybody was pretty tickled" when the cat emerged.

After a very frightening day and night, the kitten seemed more relaxed and was warming up to humans, said Dan Hendrickson with the Humane Society of Parkersburg.

A visitor to the shelter signed adoption papers Tuesday. (CNN)


Wednesday, May 30, 2007

DRM-free iTunes music. For a price.

Gone are the days of the 99 cent song. Now get DRM-free iTunes for just $1.29 per song. Yah. Huh. No. Granted, the songs are "256 kbps AAC encoding for audio quality virtually indistinguishable from the original recordings", but I can get DRM-free songs from Russia that sound just fine for 2 cents a song, so why mark up my songs 30 more cents and push me to that market?

I am finicky and you've just forced my finicky hand, Apple.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Pretend I sound like Amy Poehler reading the week's top stories...

...when I say, "the Federal Drug Administration has approved a new birth control pill called Lybrel that may put an end to a woman's monthly period all together. Side effects of this pill include unexpected spotting for up to 5 days at a time. When asked what they thought of this new pill an entire nation of women yelled in unison, 'THAT'S A PERIOD, YOU FUCKING MORON.'"


Okay, and I simplify the article of course, but I'm not taking this pill. I'd rather have symptoms that my body is about to replenish my uterine lining than have unexpected spotting and bleed all over my favorite panties. Is anyone not in agreement about this?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Prince Harry will not go to Iraq

Even though he's not smart enough to be happy about it, I am. Found this over at MollyGood, of all places:

Prince Harry will not be sent for military duty in Iraq because of the excessive risks this would cause for him and his comrades, the head of the army said today.

“I have decided that Prince Harry will not deploy as a troop leader with his squadron,” General Sir Richard Dannatt told reporters.

Sir Richard said he had travelled to Iraq in the past week and learned of “a number of specific threats - some reported and some not reported - which relate directly to Prince Harry as an individual”.

He continued: “These threats expose not only him, but also those around him, to a degree of risk that I now deem unacceptable.

“Now that I have decided that he will not be deploying with his troop, the risks faced by his battle group are no different to those faced by any other battle group or other of our servicemen in Iraq.” (Source)

I stopped reading CNN daily because it depresses me and I don't particularly enjoy being depressed. Simple as that. So I guess I'll have to accept getting my world news from a celeblog.

Very glad my bad feeling won't be allowed to come true.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Crying. Hard.

I just watched the intro to the May 10 episode of Letterman and learned that oral sex causes throat cancer.



From New Scientist:
People who have had more than five oral-sex partners in their lifetime are 250% more likely to have throat cancer than those who do not have oral sex, a new study suggests.

The researchers believe this is because oral sex may transmit human papillomavirus (HPV), the virus implicated in the majority of cervical cancers.

The new findings should encourage people to consistently use condoms during oral sex as this could protect against HPV, the team says. Other experts say that the results provide more reason for men to receive the new HPV vaccine.

I guess I know how I'm dying now, at least. Although my life line is quite long.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Florida ensures that another Bush is not elected (by mistake, at least)

Computer World has the full article, but here's a snippet:

In a major shift on e-voting that could ripple to other states, the Florida Legislature today voted to replace nearly all of the state's touch-screen voting systems with optical scan devices.

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who initially offered up the bill mandating a change in e-voting systems earlier this year, applauded the Florida Legislature for acting after the state House approved the measure. It had already been OK'd by the state Senate.

The law mandates the replacement of touch-screen systems with optical scan devices and also moves up the date of Florida's presidential primary to the last Tuesday in January. In 2008, that would be Jan. 29.

Touch-screen systems have come under criticism for being unreliable, easily hacked and lacking the transparency voters need to trust that their votes are actually being counted. To address those concerns, Crist offered a bill that would replace the systems in 17 Florida counties with optical scan devices, which require filling out a paper ballot that can later be used for canvassing or recount.

When asked about this exciting news Poppy replied, "no comment."


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Will The Office be an hour long next season?

GMMR posted about this yesterday but because I was blog silencing I couldn't post it. And I forgot about it. And luckily I leave all my tabs open indefinitely and therefore have about 50 tabs open all the freaking time so I wandered back over to it and voila. Anyway, here's the link. I hope it's true because a half hour of The Office is soooooo not enough. Unless your name is Molly and you hate the show because of the Jam/Jaren jerk-around. But my name is not Molly. So I am happy. If it is true. Period. The End. Period again.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Avi strikes again

From ShortNews.com:
Captain America Arrested Sporting Burrito Down His Tights

A doctor dressed as Captain America was arrested in Florida after groping a woman at a bar while sporting a burrito down his tights, authorities have said.

The culprit was identified after all Captain America's were asked line up for an indetity parade outside the restaurant for a identification.

The Incident happened when 54-year-old Dr. Raymond Adamcik was on on a bar-crawl with a number of other costume-wearing doctors. Police claim Adamcik tried to flush marijuana down a toilet at a police station following his arrest.


Although Avi claims not to be the perpetrator there are just a few too similarities to his real life here: He lives in Florida. His name is Adam. He reads and distributes comic books. He eats burritos. He wears tights. He has a doctorate. He could pass for 54 if a really young cop arrested him. :P


Thanks to Hay for passing on the story. You rock!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

It is too small of a world here. Seriously.

Remember when I told you about Alan's chick committing suicide in a baby food jar while mine died of natural causes? He was on the news tonight because his apartment was on fire. So weird. I haven't seen him for (math, ...) 21 years! And just like with Julie it wasn't for something good. Time to go someplace bigger where I won't know anyone... Hay, are you coming with me??